


show me the one I need the most

by emilia_kaisa



Series: ghosts and other adventures [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Books, Fluff and Humor, Friendship/Love, Ghosts, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Soul Bond, Strangers to Lovers, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-09-27 05:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17155895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Javi is a common guest in his favourite library; but one day he brings home not only books, but also an annoying guy who claims to be a ghost. Soon he realizes that there are no coincidences in life and maybe they were always destined to find each other.(aka that one an au loosely inspired by 'Just Like Heaven' no one asked for)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Do I write too much yuzuvier? Probably. Do I have any regrets? Nope.  
> I think this one will be pretty fun! Also you'll have to hear about my fave books a bit hah, but that's a part of the plot hah  
> Title from 'I wish I knew you' by The Revivalists.  
> Please note that English is not my first language and I hope you enjoy!

 

Javi jumped over three steps and pushed the door leading to his favourite librarary. He smiled when he entered the familiar building, with all that warm lights and smell of paper in the air. It seemed like it was going to be another gloomy and rainy weekend, so Javi planned to stock himself with three or four books, buy some snacks on the way home and spend the next few days on reading. He was a pretty social person, but he liked to have a few afternoons just for himself from time to time.

„Hi Tracy!” he waved to his favourite librarian and she smiled at him.

„Hello, Javi. Haven't seen you in a while.”

„Had a lot of work, but now I'm ready to catch up.” he grinned and her smile dimmed a little.

„Great! Just... be careful.”

„What?”

„We had an accident a week ago.” Tracy winced „This building is so old...” she looked sad suddenly and Javi decided not to push, although he was feeling pretty confused.

„Okay.” he nodded, giving her a reassuring smile „I'm going to stick to the first floor.”

The first floor wasn't exactly popular among the visitors and Javi had no idea why. He had found there so many great books he lost count. He wasn't a picky reader- he could read anything, from Austen to Murakami, but he was the happiest when he could find something not really popular and refreshing.

Like usual, there weren't so many people in his favourite corner, and Javi smiled to himself while browsing through the titles. It took him about ten minutes to find three interesting books and he was about to head out when something caught his attention.

„Huh.” he said to himself, taking a book in his hands and opening it on the first page „Yep, taking this one.”

„Finally someone with a good taste.” muttered someone behind him and Javi almost dropped his books.

„Excuse me?” he turned around and saw a guy sitting on the floor, leaning against the bookcase. He had to be the one to make the comment, but now he was staring at Javi with wide eyes and open mouth. That was kinda weird, so Javier decided to just walk away and not bother. But then the guy spoke again, his voice filled with disbelief.

„You can see me?” he asked and Javier made a face. Of course he had to bump into a crazy one.

„Well, obviously. You're sitting right in front of me.” he said and the guy looked as if he was about to pass out.

„Hey, no phones in here.”

Javi turned his head and saw a girl standing a few metres away and watching them with deep disapproval.

„Sorry, we were just talking about-” he waved his hand toward the other guy but she snorted.

„I don't need details about your imaginary friends, just be quiet.” she said and walked away.

Javi blinked.

Carefully, feeling his stomach churning weirdly, he looked at the guy again.

He was stll sitting over there, his eyes boring into Javier's soul.

Javi swallowed hard.

„That was weird, huh?” he asked and the guy flinched.

„She didn't see me!” he yelled, scrambling onto his feet „No one can see me!”

„Hey, don't scream at me!” Javi snapped, keeping his voice low; he was very confused and slightly pissed, and he didn't want to take a part in a scene in the middle of the library.

„Well it's not like anyone else can hear me!” the guy yelled even louder and Javi winced.

That seemed to be true, the girl hadn't seen him. Maybe he was just tired and imagining things? He was getting a lot of sleep lately, drinking only trusted alcohol... Maybe he had inhaled something on his way there? Because the guy in front of him looked real. He was Asian, slightly shorter than Javi, probably not much older than twenty. He looked shaken, his dark eyes wide open, and Javier decided to retreat.

„Okay, it was nice to meet you, I guess.” he rambled and almost run off, ignoring the guy's voice telling him to wait.

While walking to Tracy's desk he managed to convince himself that it had been a hallucination caused by lack of coffeine, he had drunk only one cup during breakfast and it clearly wasn't enough.

„Busy weekend, huh?” Tracy asked and he smiled at her, distracted.

„I need to catch up.” Javi hesitated for a moment „Hey Tracy? The accident you mentioned- what happened?”

Tracy flinched visibly and Javier felt bad for bringing the topic up, but then she sighed deeply.

„You know how old this building is, Javi. It's falling apart and the city doesn't do anything about it. And last week... one of these damn old chandeliers fell and hit one of the readers... poor boy, I don't know how he's doing”

That was tragic and all, but also kind of funny, but Javi did his best not to show his complicated feelings.

„Yeah, that hurt like a bitch.” Javier heard a dark whisper behind him „I hope my parents sued someone.”

Javi froze for a second and then turned around very slowly, and he almost screeched when he saw that guy standing right behind him.

„Javi? Is everything okay?” Tracy asked and Javier blinked a few times, tearing his eyes from the guy and looking at Tracy again.

That was fucking ridiculous.

„I thought I heard someone.” he said weakly and Tracy gave him a kind, motherly smile.

„As you see the place is pretty empty.” she said „Okay, your books are in the system, you can go and enjoy!”

„Thank you, Tracy.” Javi said, smiling at her despite feeling pretty bewildered. He took a deep breath before turning around, feeling anxious.

The guy was gone.

What the fuck was going on?

He breathed out a sigh of relief when he stepped outside and there was no sigh of that weird... hallucination? Because that had to be it, there was no other option. He had to check his sugar level or something.

 

Javi got home without a hitch and when he entered his small apartment he was feeling pretty calm, the events of the day fading away.

„Don't worry, Effie, you're the only not- human I'm talking to.” he chuckled, scratching her back when she came to greet him „We're gonna have some nice time tonight, what do you say?” he asked and she meowed approvingly.

Javi ate his leftover pasta from the day before, took a shower and then was ready to spend a perfectly nice evening on reading and just enjoying that he didn't have to do anything. He went to the kitchen to grab himself a bottle of beer and in that exact moment rain started hitting his windows- it was like the nature wanted him to have a perfect reading mood. He settled down on his small sofa, Effie immediately nestling next to him, and he opened the book he had chosen as the last one.

„Well this is cozy.”

Javier let out a high screech and dropped the book to the floor.

„What the fuck?”

„Hey there.” the library guy waved at him, sitting on a chair on the other side of the coffee table „Hope you don't mind I paid you a visit, I'm not entirely sure how I got here anyway.”

Javi only stared, his heart speeding up with adrenaline and probably a tiny bit of fear, because that- that was not normal. The guy sitting in front of him looked very, very real, but Tracy and that girl hadn't seen him, so-

„How did you get here? Who are you?” Javi demanded, clutching a pillow with one hand, and the guy smiled at him bitterly, more twist of a mouth than a smile „Or better, what are you?'

„That's a great question.” the guy nodded „My name's Yuzuru. And a week ago I was alive, but I don't know if it's still the case.”

Javi blinked. Once, twice. And then, he threw a pillow at him.

„Hey!” Yuzuru exclaimed, offended, but Javi's eyes were fixated on the pillow, that was now lying on the floor behind the chair, after literally flying through Yuzuru's face.

„Oh my god.” Javi sqeuaked and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

„Okay, I get it, it's shocking and everything, but can we focus on the fact that you can see me? And that I finally left this damn library?”

That was a lot. That was way too much, and Javi didn't remember signing up for any of that.

„So- no one can see you?” he managed and Yuzuru shook his head.

„No. You're the first one who sees and hears me.” there was a flash of something on his face, like sadness, and Javi straightened up a little.

„You're that guy that got injured last week? Tracy told me about it.”

„Yeah.” Yuzuru nodded, a slight grimace on his face „I was walking down to the circulation desk, and then bam, pain and darkness. And a second later... this happened.”

„Meaning?”

„Meaning suddenly I was standing there and watching paramedics helping me. Or more, helping my body.” he said „They didn't see me, no one did. I wanted to go with them, you know, with my body, but I couldn't left the building. It was like... there was some invisible wall that wouldn't let me pass the threshold.”

„But- you're here now!” Javi exclaimed, a traces of hysteria in his voice, because it all was unbelievable and ridiculous „How?”

„I don't know.” Yuzuru shrugged „I just- you left the library and I was a bit... I don't know I just thought I'd like to see you and talk to you, and now... I'm here.”

„Okay, this- this is wild.” Javi said, and he noticed that his hands were shaking „Excuse me.” he stuttered and then chugged his beer, closing his eyes and hoping that the guy would be gone.

„That was fast.” Yuzuru noticed when Javi put the now empty bottle on the table „So-”

„What do you want from me?” Javier cut him off instantly „Why are you here?”

„I-” Yuzuru hesitated, and for the first time he looked uncertain „I just want to know what's happening. Am I alive? Did I die?” his voice faltered a little „How's my family doing?”

„Ummm.” Javier hesitated; that whole situation was still some kind of madness and he wasn't sure if he wasn't hallucinating, but Yuzuru's words kinda moved him „Okay, how?”

„I was thinking... maybe you could write my sister? Write her that we're friends and you want to know how I'm doing?”

„I can do that.” Javier agreed and Yuzuru smiled gratefully and that kind of smile suited him more than the previous crooked, bitter one.

„Could you find Saya Hanyu on facebook?” he asked and Javier nodded. In that moment he realized what it meant, and his heart skipped a beat- he was going to find out if he was going crazy or not. Because if Saya Hanyu existed, that meant Yuzuru existed too, and that would mean that Javier was somehow able to see a ghost.

He quickly found her profile; she was a pretty young woman, and he kind of could see some resemblance between her and Yuzuru. Feeling surreal, he typed in a short message and then looked at Yuzuru, who was watching him like a hawk, and Javi shifted uncomfortably under his intense gaze.

„So-” Javi cleared his throat „You couldn't leave the library, but you're here, somehow. Why?”

„I wish I knew-” Yuzuru said but then he stopped mid sentence, his eyes falling on the book that was now lying on the floor „Wait.” he said slowly „I was about to borrow that one.”

„What?” Javi asked dumbly and Yuzuru pointed the book with his finger.

„When the accident happened, I was holding that book. I wanted to read it.”

Javi picked it up slowly and glared at the cover.

That whole situation was ridiculous and surreal, and he was feeling bewildered and lost, but suddenly he felt like laughing.

„Well, at least we both have a good taste?” he joked and Yuzuru rolled his eyes with a smile „Wait, can you go back to the library?”

„Umm, I don't know. I'll try.” Yuzuru close his eyes, his face focused, his brow furrowed „Yeah, I don't think so.” he said, looking a bit stressed, and Javi suddenly got an idea.

„So my wild guess is that your... soul? Mind? Spirit or whatever- that you got somehow connected to the book-”

„- and I can go where it goes?”

„Basically.”

„That kinda makes sense.” Yuzuru nodded „But it doesn't really explain why only you can see me.” he added and Javi shrugged awkwardly.

„This is a lot.” he muttered, rubbing his face „Oh god, I can see a ghost. What the fuck is going on.”

Yuzuru stayed quiet for a moment and when Javi looked at him, his face was conflicted.

„Can I... stay here?” he asked hesitantly and Javi's eyes widened „I just- it's nice to have someone to talk to. And...”

„Yes?”

„Maybe you could help me find out what's going on with me?”

Javi stared at him for a moment, his thoughts racing. It still felt like some kind of a fantastic dream. But Yuzuru looked at him with hope and Javi's heart clenched with compassion. It was all ridiculous, but it seemed to be real, and that poor guy needed help.

„Sure.” he said and Yuzuru's face lit up with a smile „My name's Javi, by the way. Uhh, make yourself at home, I guess.”

„It's great to meet you, Javi. And thank you. Really.”

Javier had to bite his lip not to laugh.

„Nice to meet you too, Yuzuru.”

„You can call me Yuzu.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi and Yuzu jump over all the stages to become Best Friends(tm).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days? Unexpected, I know, but I was on a writing roll today. I hope you enjoy!

 

Javi woke up and immediately wondered why he was feeling so uncomfortable. He groaned, stretching his stiff limbs, and he realized that he had fallen asleep on the sofa.

„Ughh.” he muttered, closing his eyes and wincing when he felt a strain muscle in his neck. He had had the weirdest dream ever, about some crazy ghost guy who followed him all the way from the library because of some book-

„Finally, you're awake!”

Javi's eyes snapped open and he almost fell to the floor. Standing right next to him, with a sour smile on his face, was the ghost guy himself. Javi remembered vividly that his name was Yuzuru, he was 24, loved physics and didn't know if he was alive or not.

„Fuck.” Javi muttered, sitting up slowly „I was hoping it was just a dream.”

„No such luck.” Yuzuru concluded coldly and Javi kind of disliked his attitude; it wouldn't hurt to be just a little bit nicer, but Javi guessed that was his character, or maybe he was just stressed because of that weird- ass situation.

„Okay, rule number one of staying in my house.” Javi said, getting up and walking to the kitchen „No serious talks before coffee.”

„What's the second rule?”

„Don't creep on me in the shower.” Javi snorted, setting the coffee machine up. He turned around and surpressed a screech when he saw Yuzuru standing so unexpectedly close to him.

„You're taking this situation pretty well.” Yuzuru noticed, as if he could read his mind, and Javi shrugged.

„Maybe I'm still in shock.” he joked, but Yuzuru didn't seem impressed „Look, this is pretty fucked up, but apparently you're a real person and well-” he trailed off, not really sure what to say „I mean, I just wrote your sister yesterday, so I guess you're not an object of my imagination.”

„Oh!” Yuzuru perked up „Could you check if she wrote you back?”

„Sure.” Javi said, grabbing his phone „Uhh, she asks if we could meet?”

That was a bit strange and Javier certainly hadn't expected the only answer being _Can we meet?_

„Well, she's pretty... protective of me.” Yuzuru explained slowly „She's older and she always felt like she had to take care of me, you know. And she doesn't know you, and never heard of you, so-” he shrugged, looking a bit embarassed, but Javi actually understood.

„I get it. I also have an older sister, I know how they can get.”

He ate his breakfast while Yuzuru was pacing around rather impatiently, but Javi didn't pay that much attetion to him. A part of him felt like he really should freak out or seek some help, but on the other hand, he was feeling really calm. Like, that was happening, there was a guy in his apartment that needed help and Javi was going to do his best.

While he was eating he exchanged a few messages with Saya and they agreed on meeting in an hour in a coffee shop nearby.

„Okay, quick shower and we're going.” Javi grinned „And remember about the second rule!”

„You're not my type.” Yuzuru said, rolling his eyes and Javier pretended to be wounded.

It was a bit weird, how quickly they jumped to being all snarky and teasing with each other; it was pretty much along Javi's character and it actually helped him deal with the situation. He wasn't sure about Yuzuru, though; he had those intense moments and biting, sour jokes when he was trying to be intimidating, but he also had those soft smiles that were telling Javi that he was probably just overwhelmed by the situation.

Well, he was going to find out.

When he exited the shower he threw into the backpack his wallet, phone and that damn book that, how they believed, was the reason why Yuzuru was there.

„Okay, we can go.” Javi smiled and Yuzuru nodded, following him out of the door „So, you study physics, right?” he asked, recalling the talk they had had the night before.

„Yes.” Yuzuru said and then winced „Fuck, I'm gonna miss so much classes because of that.”

„Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be able to catch up.”

„Of course.” Yuzuru snorted „I'm a smart one.”

„And humble.” Javi noted with a laugh and Yuzuru gave him a death stare.

„I wish I could elbow you right now.”

„Be nice or I'll mail that book to Alaska.”

Yuzuru stared at him, his eyes wide, and Javi suddenly felt uncomfortable. He was just starting to realize the weight that was now on his shoulders- he was the only one who could help Yuzuru, and maybe joking about abandoning him wasn't the best idea.

„Sorry.” he muttered sheepishly, rasising his head and then dropping it when he realized he wouldn't be able to touch him anyway.

„Did you just tried to ruffle my hair?”

„Maybe?”

 

Saya was already there when they entered the coffee shop and Yuzuru sighed deeply when he saw her, a sight of yearning on his face.

„Hello.” Javi smiled, making his way to Saya's table. She looked at him with unreadable face and he noticed that she looked tired.

„Thank you for meeting me, Javier.” she said and he nodded, sitting in front of her „Look, I'm sorry for dragging you in here, but- I don't know you. And I don't want to talk about Yuzu's condition with strangers.”

„Of course she doesn't.” Yuzuru muttered, sitting next to Javi. Without thinking, Javi moved a little to make more space for him and Saya narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

„I don't like to sit close to the edge.” Javi said quickly, feeling his cheeks heating up „And don't worry, I totally get it, me and Yuzuru, we met... not so long ago.”

Saya stared at him, clearly expecting to hear more, and Javi swallowed hard. He wasn't a good liar.

„Tell her we met in the library.” Yuzuru hissed.

„We met in the library.” Javi said and Saya nodded; encouraged, Javi decided to go with the flow „We started talking about books and stuff, and we made plans to meet this week, but he didn't come. So I pestered the librarian and she told me about the accident.” he finished quickly and she blinked rapidly, her face turning into sadness.

„He's in coma.” she said quietly and Yuzuru inhaled deeply by his side, and suddenly Javi wished he could take his hand or something.

„Oh no.” he said with sympathy „I'm so sorry. How is he?” he asked, hearing a deep, ragged sigh coming from Yuzuru.

„We don't know.” Saya shook her head, looking paler than before „The thing is, that stupid chandelier should've killed him, logically speaking.” her voice faltered and she took a deep, calming breath „But he only had concussion and a small wound that was patched with few stitches.” Saya shook her head, her face filled with sorrow „But he's not waking up. He's completely fine, but he's just not waking up.”

Javi glared on his right, where Yuzuru was sitting, looking pale and serious, and suddenly he felt very uncomfortable.

„I'm really sorry.” he repeated, softer than before „I don't know him that well, but if there's anything I could do...” he trailed off and she studied him for a second.

„The doctors say that we should talk to him a lot, bring familiar people and memories, because it might somehow help him wake up. I've no idea how, but they say it happens.” she smiled, a bit bitterly, and Javi realized who Yuzuru had that smile after „He's in Toronto's General. If you want, you can visit him. Talk about books a little.” her smile softened and his heart clenched suddenly.

„Yeah, I'd like that.” Javi said gently and her smile widened just a little bit.

„Good.” Saya glared at her phone and sighed „I need to go, but it was really nice to meet you, Javier.” she said and then hesitated before adding „I'm really glad that he... made some friends, at last.”

Javi's eyes widened, but before he could ask more questions, Saya gave him one last smile and then left. Javi swallowed hard and looked at Yuzuru, who seemed to be very... sad, and Javi suddenly felt so out of place. They didn't even know each other, and he had just lied to his sister, and now was going to do what, exactly?

„So-” he said, trying to sound normal „Are we going for a trip to the hospital?”

Yuzuru nodded, deep in thought, and followed him outside.

Their way to the hospital was quiet. Yuzuru didn't say a word and Javi was partly concerned and partly glad, because he had some stuff to think about as well. Ha had been in a pretty good mood the whole evening, but now he was starting to panic.

Okay, he was ready to accept the fact that he was seeing a _ghost- spirit- soul_ of that pretty intense guy, but now he was starting to freak out _why._ Maybe something was wrong with him, in the end? And what he was going to do if Yuzuru stayed like that forever?

At the hospital he asked the receptionist about Yuzuru's room and then spent ten minutes on searching for it.

„Do you think someone's gonna be there?” he asked and Yuzuru shrugged.

„Maybe my parents. But they've work and they can't allow themselves to spend all days with me.”

Javi almost asked if he had any friends who could visit him, Saya's words ringing in his head, but he bit his tongue. It wasn't his business, not really.

„Okay, it should be that one.” he said, pushing the door on his left and entering a small room with only one bed with a lean silhouette lying on it.

There he was, looking fragile and pale, and Javi felt sharp pain in his stomach, as if reality just punched him with all its strength.

Yuzuru- the ghost one- was the one first to move. Slowly, he approached the bed and stared at his own body with blank expression. Javi didn't know what to do, so after a moment of silence he moved as well, standing next to Yuzuru and looking at the bed.

He didn't know what to say.

„Well.” Yuzuru said, his voice forced „My hair looks like shit.” he took in a sharp, trembling breath and Javi would give a lot to just touch his arm and offer him some comfrort.

„So.” Javi tried, deciding to ignore the hair comment „What are we gonna do now?”

Yuzuru flinched and bit his lip, wondering.

„Uhh, maybe I'll try-” he reached out slowly and tried to touch his own hand, but he wasn't able to „Fuck.” he muttered „What now, should I just lie in here and wait for a miracle?”

He tried just that, and a few more things, but let out a frustrated sound when nothing worked. And honestly, there was nothing he could really do, since he couldn't touch anything or anyone.

Javi was watching him, helpless, but then an idea appeared in his head.

„Maybe I could read you something?”

„What?” Yuzuru asked and Javi quickly took the book out of his backpack.

„This one.”

„Oh.” Yuzuru's face brightened up „Yes, that might be a good idea!”

Javi smiled, sitting down on a chair and opening the first page.

 

Two hours later Javi's throat was slightly sore and Yuzuru's eyes were way sadder than before.

„Can we go?” he asked suddenly, his voice tired, and Javi opened his mouth to protest, but in the end decided against it.

„Of course.” he said softly and stood up, wincing at the crack in his knees.

When they got home Yuzuru was still incredibly down and Javi tried his best to cheer him up.

„So I guess now it's the moment we ask uncle Google for help.” he exclaimed, using his brightest, most cheerful voice, but Yuzuru shook his head, stopping him.

„Can we- can we do it tomorrow?” he asked, sounding exhausted, and Javi gaped.

„Umm, yeah, sure.”

Yuzuru paced to the living room, dropping on the sofa, and Javi decided to give him a little bit of time for himself. So he went to the kitchen, fed Effie and prepared some food for himself. Then, with a cup of tea in his hand, he sat down next to Yuzuru.

They both were silent for a while. And then, Yuzuru spoke, his voice quiet.

„I kind of expected that it would be it. That I just had to get to my body and that would somehow fix it all. That I would wake up or just... not be here.” he shook his head, bitter sorrow showing on his face with sharp lines „Now, I don't know. I don't know what to do.”

„Hey, we're gonna figure it out.” Javi said reassuringly „I've a list of peope we can talk to about it: Tracy, my psychiatrist, the pope...”

Just like he was hoping, Yuzuru chuckled at that, the sound light and bright.

„You know, I still can't believe it.” he said, shaking his head „You embraced it so quickly and easily, and we met only yesterday.”

„Oh believe me, I'm still freaking out.” Javi said seriously and then shrugged „But I'm not ready to admit that I'm going crazy.”

Yuzuru laughed again, but then his expression changed again, now more serious and almost nostalgic.

„This is weird.” he whispered, like he was talking to himself and Javi tilted his head, curious.

„What? Beside the fact that you're here, of course.”

„I just- I don't do friendships. I'm fine on my own, and I never needed anyone.” Yuzuru said „I just thought that people... that I could be fine, without them. And now I'm here, and my fate depends on you, a total stranger.” he shook his head, smiling „This is so... ironic.”

It wasn't ironic, it was sad, but Javi didn't say that out loud.

„Well, we don't have to be strangers anymore.” he announced instead „Actually, I think the situation demands from us to become best friends with skipping all the stages.”

Yuzuru gaped, staring at him with such a shock Javi started to feel a bit uncomfortable.

„You want to be my friend?” he asked as if it was unbelievable „Like.... really?”

„I mean, you're bossy and judgemental, and you spit sarcasm to my coffee, but beside that I think you're pretty cool.” Javi said and Yuzuru stared at him for a moment longer before smiling softly.

„I didn't know anyone could be so kind.” he said quietly and Javi could feel himself blushing.

„Come on, I'm just your average nice guy.” he said, changing the topic quickly „So, what are we going to do tonight?”

„Maybe...” Yuzuru trailed off, giving him a little, hopeful smile „You could read me a little more?”

„Fine.” Javi chuckled, grabbing the book and opening it on the last page he had read; Yuzuru nestled on the other side of the sofa, smiling at him a little bit bashfully, and Javi suddenly felt warm and comfortable, and unexpectedly happy.

 

“ _He played the opening bars again, opening a door for her, inviting her to join. She started quietly, almost voiceless, only a thin string of sound weaving herself into his tune, as if her voice were just another string on the guitar between his fingers. She had to be careful, so no one saw the changes on her face. But she didn't want to be careful; she couldn't be careful. He played and she sang to him, and inside her more and more blocks of ice began to melt, cracking and falling into the frozen sea between them. She sang of all the things that were happening to her and him, the world that collapsed over both of them, the things that might be in store, if only they dared to believe it was possible.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote comes from my absoutely favourite book- 'Someone to run with' by David Grossman. This book honestly changed my life and I thought this fic is a good pretext to ramble how amazing it is.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interesting meetings, long talks, some answers and new questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me in the beggining: hey, it's gonna be a nice cute fic with short chapters!!  
> me yesterday: *writing 4k words and laughing like a maniac* okay but where's the angst?!

 

Javi woke up gently, slowly, blinking lazily in the bright light of the morning. He stretched out, groaning quietly, and turned turned on the side to maybe steal a few more minutes of sleep. But when he moved his heart almost stopped.

„Hey.” Yuzuru smiled at him, blinking from a distance that could be a bit uncomfortable if he was in his body „Your eyelashes are really long.”

Javi swallowed, his brain short circuiting. He remembered that they had been talking a lot the night before and apparently fell asleep on the bed. The had been staying away from heavy topics, ignoring the weird situation they were in. They talked about their sisters, favourite books. Yuzuru was now aware that Javi definitely wasn't into science and Javier now knew that Yuzuru never had gone hiking, because _nature is evil_.

They had had good time, and now they were facing each other, and Javi realized that now that guy was a solid part of his life, even though they had met not even full 48 hours earlier. He couldn't explain that feeling, but it was there, growing in his chest, and it confused him a lot, almost as much as Yuzuru himself.

He wasn't sure what to do, so he decided to retreat on the familiar teritory that was teasing.

„Are you flirting with me in my own bed?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows, and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

„Why did I have to get stuck with you?” he asked, sitting up and giving him a deadly glare „You're the worst.”

Javi just laughed at that; he was pretty good at handling Yuzuru's moody behaviour already.

They spent the whole morning on googling stuff and Javi was slightly terrified by some of the things he read. Most of the advices seemed pretty sketchy for him, but they still tried one ritual with burning mint leaves and reading something what sounded like some wicked Slavik poems.

„Okay, I think our favourite uncle doesn’t know everything.” Javi stated after a few hours of trying; he closed his laptop and groaned, feeling his stomach churning „Time to go for some grocery shopping.” he said and Yuzuru shrugged. He seemed a little bit down, clearly disappointed that their efforst weren’t paying off. Javi really wanted to cheer him up, but he already knew that it wasn’t such an easy task.

„Hey, what would you say for a little experiment?” he asked and Yuzuru glared at him, sparks of interest in his eyes „I’m gonna go to the store with the book in my backpack, and we’ll see if you’ll be able to stay here or if it’ll pull you like a magnet.”

„Ohh, that’s cool.” Yuzuru nodded, and then smiled slyly „You just want to know if it’s possible to get rid of me.”

„You got me.” Javi snorted, putting his shoes on.

He walked for a few minutes, and maybe after a kilometer there was a faint sound and Yuzuru was standing next to him, blinking rapidly.

„Huh.” he said, shaking his head „That was weird.”

„You okay?”

„Yeah, I just feel a tiny bit sick.” Yuzuru said and then made a disgusted face „This is bullshit, I’m a ghost, I shouldn’t feel sick!”

„If you can be annoyed, you can also be sick, I guess.” Javi said and Yuzuru glared at him.

Javi took a cart and decided that since he was there, he could stoke himself with food for the whole week, because he had a feeling it would be a busy one. Not really thinking, he started putting grabbing his well- known, usual products, but then he heard Yuzuru’s horrified gasp.

„Wait, you can’t eat that!”

„Hmm?” Javi asked absently, staring at the shelf with canned food „Of course I can, I-“

„Nope.” Yuzuru shook his head fiercely „I refuse. Take it back.”

„It’s not like you’re going to eat that, it’s for me!”

„And it’s unhealthy!”

„Why do you care about my food choices, anyway?” Javi asked and then caught the gaze of some older lady, who was looking at him rather suspiciously; he gave her his most charming smile and then looked at Yuzuru again „Listen, I don’t actually have that much money to spend on all of these great products, and okay, I’m a pretty decent cook but not on a masterchef level-“

„I know that you’re not a bad cook.” Yuzuru interrupted him impatiently „But you’re lazy and you don’t care about what you eat, probably some old habit from your time back in college.”

„I didn’t go to college.” Javi remarked, suddenly feeling slightly uncomfortable, but Yuzuru didn’t show any reaction to those words.

„Nevermind. I’m going to teach you how to eat properly and don’t spend millions. Come on.” he stared at him intensly and Javi supressed a sigh.

„Fine.” he grumbled and put all the stuff back „So what now, mr nutritionist?”

Yuzuru rolled his eyes as if Javi was some annoying kid he had to deal with.

Twenty minutes later the cart was filled with a bunch of fresh vegetables, chicken and some weird things he had never seen before. Surprisingly, when he was quickly counting in his head, he probably wouldn’t pay much more than usual. And he had to agree with Yuzuru about one thing, now- he was kind of lazy when it came to cooking. He enjoyed good food, but when it came to cooking he preferred it to be quick and efficient. But now, staring at all the stuff he had, he already had some ideas.

„Can I offer something else?” Yuzuru asked when Javi was just about to grab a six-pack of beer.

„You were doing that for the past half an hour.”

„You’re so ungateful.” Yuzuru sighed, sparks of dancing in his eyes „What about this one?”

„Uhh...” Javier hesitantly took a bottle of red wine Yuzuru was pointing „I don’t know, isn’t it expensive?”

„It’s literally two dollars more expensive than all that beer.” Yuzuru said „And it’s better for your health. And weigh.”

„Are you saying I’m getting fat?”

„How would I know, I’m not allowed to watch you in the shower-“

Javi gaped at that, but before he could analyze that or prepare some witty response, someone spoke loudly right into his ear.

„Javi, hello!”

He turned quickly and saw a pretty girl that seemed vaguely familiar and apparently was really happy to see him.

„Hi, umm, Gina!” he said, patting himself on the shoulder mentally for recalling her name „How are you?”

„Same old, same old.” she smiled widely „I haven’t seen you in a while!”

„Yeah, I had some intense few days.” he answered, glaring on his side, where Yuzuru was staring at Gina with a weird expression.

Gina laughed, like he said some great joke.

„Oh, wine? That’s fancy, you’re having some guests over?”

„No, it’s just for me, I’m planning to chug it all.” Javi answered, a bit nervously, and he could swear that her face brightened up even more.

„If you have any troubles with that, let me know!” Gina said, giving him one more blinding smile before walking away.

Javi shook his head, sighing, and then his eyes met Yuzuru’s.

He didn’t look too pleased, his eyes slightly narrowe, and Javi felt a tiny bit uncomfortable.

„So-” he cleared his throat ”- that was Gina, from the third floor. I helped her with her stuff when she was moving in.”

„Did I show any interest in who she is?” Yuzuru asked flatly and Javi blinked, taken aback by the tone „Let’s go pay.”

Yuzuru was quiet the whole way back to the apartment and Javi was confused. He didn’t know why he was in such a bad mood suddenly, but on the other hand, Yuzuru’s character was pretty complicated. So he let him be; Yuzuru curled on the sofa next to sleeping Effie, while Javi went to the kitchen to unpack all the groceries. He was just finishing his task when his phone started vibrating in his pocket, urging him to pick up.

„Hello?”

„Hey there, hermano!” Laura said cheerfully „I’m calling with gentle reminder that you forgot to call mom this week and she’s a tiny bit stressed.”

„Oh no.” Javi facepalmed menatally „Tell her I’m sorry, I’m just having a lot of my plate right now and I totally- ugh, I’m the worst son.”

„Nah, don’t worry, she knows that you’re busy and stuff.” she said gently „Also, are you bringing someone for mom and dad’s anniversary?”

„Yeah, nope.”

„So disappointing.” Laura teased, but her voice was gentle „Okay, I was just checking if you’re alive. Take care of yourself, little brother.”

„You too. Tell mom I’ll call her tomorrow.”

Javi went back to the living room, where Yuzuru and Effie seemed to be having a staring contest, and Javi wondered if the cat was really able to sense Yuzuru’s presence.

„Someone called.” Yuzuru noted, not looking at him.

„My sister.” Javi answered shortly.

„She lives with your parents, right? In... Vancouver?”

„Exactly.” Javi smiled slightly „You’ve good memory.”

„You literally told me that yesterday.” Yuzuru snorted, finally looking at him, and Javi shook his head with a sigh.

„Man, you’ve pretty sharp tongue for someone who claims the doesn’t have a social life.

„I watch a lot of tv.” Yuzuru stated seriously and Javi laughed at that „What?”

„You’re a funny guy, Yuzu.” Javi said and Yuzuru’s expression morphed into surprize „A loner with a biting joke, who claims to dislike people, but who cares about my diet and has literally the best smile.”

Yuzuru was gaping, faint blush creeping on his cheeks.

„I’m sorry.” he muttered after a few minutes, looking down at his hands „For before. I was a jerk.”

„You’re acting like a jerk sometimes.” Javi said gently „But I know it’s not who you are. So it’s okay, as long as you promise to work on trying to be a little bit nicer. I get that this is hard for you, I really do, but I’m just trying to help you out in here.”

„I know.” Yuzuru said, giving him a pale smile „I’m sorry.”

„I told you, it’s okay.” Javi said and then grinned „So, _Mansfield Park_ is on tv tonight, you wanna watch it and point out every difference comparing to the book?”

  


 

The next day was Monday and Javier had to go back to work. And Yuzuru had to go with him, since he refused to stay at home all by himself.

„Do you have to be employed in the most boring place ever?” he complained in the staff room, looking at the floor as Javi was changing into his work t-shirt „I’m gonna go crazy in here!”

„Hey, don’t brag, I like it in here.” Javi rolled his eyes at Yuzuru’s pout „Come one, there’s so many things that can occupy you.”

„I can’t touch anything.” Yuzuru reminded him coldly and Javi sighed.

„Look, I’m sorry, but I can’t take extra free days, I wanna take week off in April to visit my family.” he said and Yuzuru’s face softened.

„I know, I’m sorry.” he said, smiling „I’ll try to have as much fun as I can.”

„That’s my boy!” Javi grinned and Yuzuru scowled.

Maybe Yuzuru thought that job was boring, but Javi liked it a lot. He was working in a big store selling sport and touristic equipment, and it was quite satisfying. The salary wasn’t super high, but still pretty decent, and Javi didn’t plan to resign anytime soon.

The first few hours went swiftly. Yuzuru was mostly keeping him company, but once in a while he would disappear somewhere and Javi just hoped he wasn’t creeping on people in changing rooms.

„There’s a guy in grey hoodie who just stole like, ten tennis balls.” Yuzuru announced, appearing suddenly in front of him, and Javier gaped for a moment before he took his walkie- talkie out.

„Hey Luca, if you see a guy in grey hoodie trying to sneak out, you might like to stop him.”

„Will do.”

„Well look at you, being all invested and useful.” Javi smiled and Yuzuru rolled his eyes, trying to hide a pleased smile.

  


„There’s something different about you today.”

„Huh?” Javier glared at Misha, who was sitting on the other side of a table, eating his lunch “What did you say?”

„There’s like... some new aura around you.” Misha said, waving his hands. Yuzuru, who was sitting on the edge of the table, looked at Javi with raised eyebrows.

Misha was a nice guy, but a bit... original. He was usually wearing mysterious, dimmed smile, and had thing for horoscopes and lucky charms. Javi found it a little bit weird, but also kind of charming.

„Oh really?” he asked politely, because he didn’t want to hurt Misha’s feeling „What do you mean by that?”

„I think there’s some spirit following you.” Misha said and Javi choked on his coffee.

„What?” he couged, giving Yuzuru a look „Can you, umm, see something?”

„No, I don’t have that kind of power.” Misha said, smiling as if it was their normal topic for conversation „But I can feel it. Can’t you?”

„Well, to be honest, I, uhh, I kind of feel like something... like there’s some mysterious presence around me.” Javi rambled. Yuzuru looked excited and Javi tried to put the most serious expression before he looked Misha in the eyes.

„Do you- do you know if there’s someone who could help me with that?”

„Actually, I do.”

  


 

„Hmm.” Yuzuru hummed disapprovingly, looking at the shop they were standing in front of „It doesn’t look welcoming.”

„Well that’s the adress.” Javi said, looking at the sign handing above the door.

_**M &S- Magic and Spiritualism** _

Looking through the dirty windows, he could see a dim interior wirth bookshelves and cupboards filled with jars and herbs and who knows what. Maybe it didn’t look welcoming, but it for sure looked interesting, and Javi was ready to give a chance to whatever was waititing for them inside. And they didn’t have that many other options.

„Come on, don’t be a chicked.” he said mockingly and opened the door.

A bell rang sharpy over their heads and Javi’s nose was instantly filled with an interesting mix of smells- old paper, dust, mint and something like ginger. Before he had time to think about that weird mixture, a tall figure jumped from behind the nearest bookcase.

„Hello!” the guy exlaimed happily with a slight Russian accent „Welcome to my shop! My name is Maxim and I’ll do everything I can do to help-” his eyes widened slightly and after a moment of stillness he grinned even wider „Oh okay, I think I already know what the matter is.”

To be honest, Javi was pretty overwhelmed with that enthusiastic greeting and it took him a moment to pull himself together.

„Umm, hello, my name’s Javier-” he stopped awkwardly. He stole a glance in Yuzuru’s direction, but he also looked confused beyond belief.

„Nice to meet you, Javier.” Maxim smiled and then looked directly at Yuzuru „And you are?”

Javier was pretty sure he made some weird sound, but Maxim’s curious eyes never left Yuzuru, who was looking like he could pass out. Maybe he would, if he was in his physical body.

„You- you see me?” Yuzuru squeaked, his voice high, and Maxim made a face.

„Of course I can see you. Have you seen the name of this place? M like Maxim, and magic.” he chuckled, waving his hand „Come, come.”

Feeling dumbfounded, Javier followed Maxim to a table standing in the back.

„So-” Maxim started when they all sat down „- could you tell me the story from the very beginnig?”

Javier glared at Yuzuru, who was still looking overwhelmed, and decided that he had to do that. He told him everything from the beggining, about the accident and Yuzuru's condition, trying to mention everything that seemed important, and Yuzuru was nodding every few sentences.

„Yep, just like I thought.” Maxim grinned happily when Javi finished talking „This is the classic bond.”

„Bond? You mean with that book?” Yuzuru asked and Maxim flinched.

„What?”

„This one.” Javi said, taking it out of his backpack and handing it to Maxim „We figured out this is because I can see him.”

„No, no, it’s-” he frowned „You know what, I’m gonna call my cousin, he’s way more experienced. SERGEI!!!” he yelled so loudly Yuzuru almost fell from his chair.

A moment later another man rushed in; he was maybe a few years older than Javi, with blonde hair flying around his head and wrinles around his eyes that suggested he liked to laugh. Maxim said something to him in Russian, a few rapid sentences, and the guy smiled at them kindly.

„Hello.” he said, sitting next to Maxim „I’m Sergei.”

„Nice to meet you.” Javi said; he was still feeling bewildered, but he also knew that he was probably in the right place to get some answers „So... can you help us?”

„I’ll try my best.” Sergei said „But first- what are the questions?”

„Why didn’t I die?” Yuzuru asked immediately, staring at Sergei blankly, but Javi wasn’t fooled by his flat tone.

Maxim said something again in a hushed tone and Sergei’s smile turned sympathetic.

„Okay, so Max just told me you both think it’s all coming down to this book. Which is only half the truth.”

Javi just stared, not able to create a full sentence.

„Basically, Yuzuru-” Sergei said, smiling at him gently „- you were supposed to die that day. But some objects... they have power to carry a piece of-” he flinched, clearly looking for a right word - „the soul, the spirit, however you call it. You would've died, but that spirit of yours clutched to that book, letting you live. You were really lucky to hold it in that moment.” he said, and then scratched his neck sheepishly „I’m sorry I can’t explain it better, but I hope you understand what I mean.”

„More or less.” Yuzuru muttered, and Javi was only able to nod.

This was a lot. Like, a lot lot.

„So your body is probably in a good condition and the doctors have no idea why you don't wake up. And you can't wake up, because your body is... empty. Because the real you is here, with us.”

„But why only Javi can see me?” Yuzuru asked „And why you can see me?”

“Me and Maxim... we’re coming from a family that has this gift.” Sergei explained patiently „We’re just, I guess, destined to help people like you. It's in our blood.”

„But we can’t see you very well.” Maxim chimed in „Like, Yuzuru looks like he’s surrounded by fog or something like that. I bet that you can see him in full hd, Javier.”

„See and hear.” Javi managed to say and Maxim laughed at that.

„Going back to the question.” Sergei said, giving his cousin a slightly disapproving glare „Javier can see you because he was meant to. Because there is a bond.” he said and Javi’s brain short circuited.

„What- what does it mean?” he stuttered out, and Yuzuru next to him was just staring at Sergei, pale and trembling. Javi wished he could touch him, bring him some comfort, but he was unable to do that.

„I’ll try to explain that the best I can. So, after the book left Yuzuru’s hands, it was for sure touched by a lot of people. But when Javier took it, the universe just... clicked, decided that he was the one who could help you.” Sergei explained and then sighed „I’m sorry this is messy, but to be honest, no one really knows for sure, because sadly, the universe doesn’t have a spokeperson to explain all the rules properly.”

Javi stared.

Yuzuru stared too.

„I wanna get things straight.” Javi started, speaking slowly „A part of Yuzu’s spirit jumped into the book and then it... did what?” he asked dumbly, and Sergei looked at him with such deep sympathy it worried him.

„Now you have it.”

Javi felt like the world shoud stop, but it didn’t.

He looked at Yuzuru, who didn’t look back, his hands clutching his chair so hard the knuckles went white.

„You mean that his... spirit... is now connected with me, somehow?”

„For the lack of better explanation, yes.” Sergei nodded „It doesn't matter where the book is. Yuzuru will go everywhere you go, because you're bonded now.”

Javi’s head was spinning. It was too much, and he wasn’t sure if he could breathe properly.

„So... what can we do?” Yuzuru asked slowly, his voice trembling with all the emotions.

„How am I supposed to help him?” Javi added his own question.

„You'll wake up when your spirit will return to your body. And to do that, you need a sacrifice.” Sergei said simply and Javi’s hert skipped a beat.

„A sacrifice?! You mean I’ll have to kill a chicken or something?” he asked and Maxim giggled.

„No. It’s more like-” he glared at Sergei, exchanging some weird looks „- you need to find someone who cares about Yuzuru enough to sacrifice something for him.”

„But sacrifice what?”

“Happiness. Dreams. It depends, and it's different every time. It's...a proof of love.” Sergei said, smiling at them gently, with compassion „I can’t tell you what to do, although I wish I could. You just need to find someone who loves him and that person-” Sergei hesitated for a moment „- they will know what to do. They’ll feel it, when the moment is right.”

That seemed pretty sketchy, if anyone asked Javi. What was he supposed to do now, drag every person that cared about Yuzuru to his hospital room and keep them there until they would feel ready to sacrifice something? That sounded plain dumb and Javi wasn’t convinced at all, but at least they had some foothold. Those two Russians looked genuine and moved by their situation, and there was no reason for the to lie.

„Do I have a deadline?” Yuzuru asked suddenly, his voice plain and hollow.

„Not really.” Sergei shook his head „Your body won’t give up until your spirit lives.” he said, his smile dimmed „And your spirit will live as long as Javier.”

Javi felt sick.

It was too much. He didn’t want any of that, and he couldn’t, he couldn’t-

„Hey, man, you’re okay?” he heard Maxim’s worried voice and heard some clicking and fumbling „Here, drink it.” Maxim handed him a steaming cup and Javi took a long sip, wincing at the herbal aroma. The liquid was hot and strong, but it actually loose the knot in his stomach a little bit.

„Is that all?” he squeaked, hoping that the answer was yes, because he wasn't sure he could take anymore of that.

„Actually-” Sergei glanced at Maxim briefly and Javi's stomach turned; Sergei looked at Yuzuru, his smile warm and a tiny bit sad „- when you'll wake up, Yuzuru, you won't remember any of that. It will be like this-” he gestured between them „- never happened.”

Javi felt dizzy.

It was way too much information, and way too much responsibilty, and he needed air.

He stood up, vaguely aware that Yuzuru was saying something, his voice quiet and distant.

Javi closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.

And then, for the very fist time in his life- he fainted.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not my au fic if there's no Max and Sergei!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> error 404 chapter summary not found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I wanted this fic to be short and easy, but now I'm getting invested.

 

There were some muffled voices surrounding him, but Javi couldn't recognize them. The world was dark and confusing, and a little bit chilly. He was lying on something hard and cold- probably the floor- but there was a soft pillow under his head.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, blinking a few times to make his vision clear. Yuzuru, Sergei and Maxim were leaning over him with worried expressions.

Javi winced when he realized what had happened, his face heating up with embarassment.

„I told you he's alive.” Maxim said cheerfully and Yuzuru glared at him deadly.

„Are you okay, Javi?” he asked, looking back at Javi, his expression turning into concern.

„I'm good.” Javi groaned, sitting up slowly „Just embarassed.”

„There's no need to be.” Sergei said, handing him a glass of water „It's all understandable, it was a lot to take.”

„Yeah.” Javi nodded, all the stuff he had learned coming back to him; his head wasn't spinning anymore, but he still was confused and felt like he needed more than that water to calm himself down „Still, it's embarassing.”

„Come on.” Yuzuru said quietly, like he was talking to himself, and there was something in his eyes Javi couldn't read.

„Okay guys.” Javi said, getting up and feeling Maxim's supporting hand on his elbow „Thank you so much for everything, but we're gonna go now, we've a lot of stuff to figure out.” he said and then he remembered something „Umm, so, how much do I owe you?”

„Oh no.” Sergei shook his head „Don't worry about that.”

„We don't charge for stuff like that.” Maxim explained, smiling „It's our obligation to help.”

„Okay.” Javi nodded hesitantly, smiling at them and then he looked at Yuzuru, who still seemed to be bewildered „Once again, thank you so much.”

It felt refreshing, to be outside again after the time spent inside, surrounded by dust and herbs and so many emotions. It was still too much, and Javi's heart was feeling heavy, but he wasn't going to faint again. He just needed some time and maybe that bottle of wine he had bought.

„You okay?” he asked Yuzuru, because the poor guy was probably even more moved than him.

„I'm fine.” Yuzuru said shortly, almost snapping at him, and Javi decided to keep his mouth shut.

So, they were connected. Connected by some weird, sketchy sounding soul bond, because apparently the universe thought it was a good idea.

Javi had read a lot of books with plots kind of similar to that one, but now it was his life. At the mere thought he felt his headache coming back.

They reached the apartment in silence, and Yuzuru immediately went to sit on the balcony. Javi was kinda glad that he did, he felt like he could use some time just for himself too. So he ate some scrambled eggs, took a shower and found his comfiest pyjamas, and then settled in his bed with a book. He didn't want to read _the book_ without Yuzuru around, so he picked another one.

A part of him felt like he should go to Yuzuru and pester him about what they were supposed to do, or at least do some brainstorming by himself. But to be honest, he just needed a moment of calm.

They were connected and Javi was supposed to help him. That was happening, and Javi acknowledged that, but he needed block that out for just a moment.

A few days back, his biggest worry was not to oversleep for work and what to make for dinner. Now there was someone whose whole future, whole life, was depending on Javi. It was too much.

He needed a reset.

He opened the book and started reading.

 

 

Yuzuru was still moody the next day, gloomy and monosyllabic, but Javi didn't comment on that. He was a patient one.

Yuzuru disappeared somewhere the moment they entered the store and Javi didn't pay attention at first, until after a few hours he started feeling kinda weird when there was nobody looming over him.

He found Yuzuru in one of the tents standing in the camping section.

„Hey there.” he said softly, kneeling in front of the entrance „I was looking for you.”

Yuzuru glared at him, sitting with his knees pulled up. Javi looked around, but the alley was empty like usual, so he quickly crawled inside and zipped the tent up.

„What are you doing?” Yuzuru asked and Javi shrugged, giving him his best smile.

„Just testing the product, so I know what to say to my customers if they ask if it's spacious enough.” he answered, stretching his arms and hitting the ceiling „Yeah, that's pretty good for two, but more would be way too much.” he babbled and then gazed at Yuzuru, who looked half like he was going to laugh, and half like he was about to cry.

They sat in silence for a moment, the silence heavy in the small space between them.

„I've never been inside a tent before.” Yuzuru said quietly, turning his face to Javi, a ghost of smile on his lips, and Javi's heart clenched.

He swallowed hard, moving a little bit closer.

„When I was a kid, my parents took us camping a lot.” he said, keeping his tone casual and watching Yuzuru's expression carefully „I was the best with making a bonfire.”

„Really?”

„Yes. And at night me and Laura would sneak out from the tent to watch the stars and tell each other stories.”

„It sounds nice.” Yuzuru said, his voice slightly trembling, and Javi nodded.

„It was nice.”

Silence again, but it was feeling different than before. Calmer, but also somehow more meaningful.

„I just want you to know that I'm here for you, okay?” Javi said finally, gently „I'll give you all the time you need, but someday we'll have to talk about it.”

Yuzuru looked at him, his eyes glistening.

„I know. I just-” he shook his head „- the only people that care about me so much are my parents and Saya. My grandparents, maybe. I just- I don't want them to sacrifice anything for me. I don't want them to give up something just so I can wake up.”

„Oh Yuzu.” Javi breathed out softly, shifting a little bit to look him in the eyes „I understand how you're feeling, but-” he swallowed over his suddenly dry throat „- I actually think that whatever sacrifice they have to make, it'll hurt them less than watching you unconscious and not being able to help you.”

Yuzuru blinked rapidly, a shadow running through his face and changing it into the picture of both sadness and fragility.

Javi really wished he could touch him.

Suddenly Yuzuru swallowed visibly, his gaze dropping lower, but before Javi could understand what was going on, the whole tent started to shake.

„I know you're there, Javi!” Michal yelled „There's a family of five and all of them want hiking shoes, and me and Matteo decided that you're the best when it comes to dealing with little monsters.”

Javi felt like he was just brutally woken up from a dream.

„Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming!” he exclaimed „You're gonna be okay in here?” he asked quietly and Yuzuru nodded slowly.

„Yes, don't worry.” he said and then smiled briefly „I'll join you in a moment. I really wanna see you dealing with kids.”

„Okay.” Javi smiled back, ignoring the weird itching somewhere deep in his chest.

 

Yuzuru seemed calmer after their tent talk. He smiled and joked with Javi on the way back home, and it almost seemed like everything was fine.

„So I was thinking, Javi.” he said carefully when they were back at the apartment, Javi preparing himself something to eat and Yuzuru sitting next to him on the counter „And maybe we could go to the hospital tomorrow, after work? I, uh, kinda hope we could... that my parents would be there, in the afternoon.”

„Of course.” Javi smiled and Yuzuru relaxed visibly.

Javi felt a sting of anxiety at the thought of meeting Yuzuru's parents, but he could see that Yuzuru really wanted to see them; and in the end he would probably have to do that anyway, since he had to find someone to do that sacrifice thing. He had no idea how he could do that, though; he made a mental note to google how to master the art of suggestion. He didn't really feel like telling anyone 'you gotta make a sacrifice but I don't have the instruction'- he would sound like a crazy man, and they would probably be more confused than he was now.

Next to him, Yuzuru started humming some song, absently, as if he forgot he wasn't alone, and Javi smiled to himself.

It still was weird, in a way. Javi felt like it shouldn't feel that easy, his friendship with Yuzuru. It should be more difficult, there should be more distance between them, it shouldn't feel so natural.

It was like the first day in kindergarten, when you meet someone and by the end of the day you are best friends, and sometimes it can last for years, for the whole life. So maybe the universe knew what to do, in that case.

„What are you thinking about?”

Javi blinked, snapping from his daze and meeting Yuzuru's curious smile.

„I'm thinking that now you might have some not really accurate view on how to make friends.”

„What do you mean?”

„First, you for sure can't randomly show up in a strangers' house.” he said and Yuzuru snorted „And the other thing... usually it's not that easy. And not that quick.”

„I figured.” Yuzuru said „Maybe that's because of all that bond thing. Or maybe-” he hesitated for a moment, his smile turning surprisingly warm „- maybe you're just special that way.”

Javi gaped, not knowing what to say to that, but Yuzuru clearly didn't expect him to say anything.

„Like I said, I'm not the social guy.” Yuzuru continued „And I never really tried to get close to anyone. But also... I guess I'm all on nothing kind of guy. We're friends, I commit.”

That line helped Javi to regain control on his tongue when his brain came back with a perfect response.

„That explains why you shared your whole life story during our first conversation.” he teased and Yuzuru gaped.

„Okay, so maybe I've no filter.” he said, blushing furiously „Or maybe I was, umm...”

„Hey, don't worry.” Javi laughed shortly „That's kinda adorable when you're getting all rambly.” he added and then almost slapped a hand over his mouth, because he definitely hadn't thought that one through, and now Yuzuru was staring at him with the weirdst expression ever and Javi could feel his own heart speeding up a bit for some unknown reasons, and his thought suddenly went back to the talk they had had earlier that day.

He opened his mouth to laugh it away, but his mind was blank, and Yuzuru was still staring at him openly.

His phone saved him.

„Oh, Alex, hey!” he answered eagerly „What's up?”

„Man, where you've been hiding lately? It's so hard to reach you!”

„Yeah, umm, sorry, have been busy.” Javi said, looking briefly at Yuzuru who was clearly trying to pretend that he was uninterested.

„Well I hope you're not busy tonight!” Alex exclaimed cheerfully „I just got paid for my last project and I'm taking you for a beer. Or three.”

Javi opened his mouth to politely refuse, but then, he reconsidered.

Sure, he wanted to help Yuzuru and all, but he couldn't just throw away his whole life for who knows how long for that.

And he was in a sudden need for a break.

„Okay, sounds great!” he said and Yuzuru raised his head rapidly.

„That's the spirit!” Alex laughed, clearly delighted „At O'Donnell's in an hour?”

„I'll see you there.”

„You're going out?” Yuzuru asked the moment the call ended, his eyes boring into Javi's soul.

„We're going out.” Javi corrected him absently, taking his t-shirt off and thinking that it would be so great to meet with Alex and finally catch up. He was a social guy and he needed some time out „Have you seen my green shirt somewhere?” he asked, turning back to Yuzuru just to catch him looking down quickly, his cheeks in a shade of tomatoe.

Javi thought suddenly that maybe Yuzuru didn't feel comfortable around half- naked people, since he always very ostentatiously looked away when Javi was changing at work or anything.

„You took it to the bathroom in the morning.” Yuzuru mumbled before Javi could come up with anything to say.

„Yeah, of course, thanks.”

Of course the shirt was there, he had been considering putting it on in the morning. He washed his face and glared into the mirror, and his reflection looked at him with traces of doubt in his eyes. The thing was the he really felt like going out, to just get a glimpse of normality; but on the other hand it meant that he would have to drag Yuzuru with him, and he wasn't sure if the younger one was really in the mood for that.

But in the end, it was Javi's life.

„Okay, we're going!” he exclaimed when he was back in the living room „But I promise it won't take that long.”

„That's fine.” Yuzuru said, but his voice sounded a bit forced „I can totally sit on the other side of the bar to give you some privacy.”

„Thanks, that's nice of you.” Javi said, a bit surprized but not suspicious.

„Sure.” Yuzuru nodded stiffly „You look nice.” he added bluntly and then stared at some point on the wall behind Javi's back.

Well, that was weird, even weirder than before.

„Thanks.” Javi said again, confused ; he blinked and grabbed his glasses from the coffee table, putting them on and deciding to ignore the weirdness „Okay, let's go.”

 

O'Donnell's was an old Irish pub, Alex and Javi's favourite place since they were allowed to drink. It just had that specific atmosphere that was making the place standing out, and the friendly owner was the best addition.

Yuzuru was quiet and the whole way to the pub, and Javi let him stay that way. He wasn't going to have a bad evening just because of Yuzuru's gloomy behaviour.

The place wasn't packed, since it was still pretty early and well, it was Tuesday.

They entered the place and Javi immediately spotted Alex, who was waving at him from their favourite table.

„There he is.” Javi noticed cheerfully, waving back. Yuzuru followed his gaze and his eyes widened.

„That's Alex?” he asked, with the slightest disbelief, and Javi looked at him.

„Well, yeah. Why?”

He couldn't see perfectly in the dim light of the day, but he could swear Yuzuru was blushing again.

„I thought Alex was a girl.” he muttered, embarassed, and Javi almost laughed.

„You- wait, you thought I was going on a date?” that explained why poor Yuzuru seemed to be so uncomfortable.

„Don't worry, it's just a guys' night out.” he said and Yuzuru smiled at him slightly.

„Hey man!” Alex grinned, giving him a quick hug „So good to see you're alive.”

„Come on, don't exaggerate.” Javi rolled his eyes and took a sip of the beer that Alex had already ordered for him „So, tell me about that great project of yours/”

For the next ten minutes Alex was vividly talking about the last videoclip he had directed and Yuzuru disappeared somewhere, probably to stalk someone more interesting.

„Okay, enough about me.” Alex clapped „Tell me, what's the reason for your hermitary?” he asked and then his eyes widened „Wait, maybe you found someone?”

„What?” Javi asked, confused, and Alex just smiled excitedly.

„Who's that? Is this that hot chick from your building?”

„What?” Javi repeated, feeling like in a hidden camera, because he didn't understand anything. Alex, on the other hand, looked delighted.

„What was her name... Gina? Yeah, Gina. Is that her?”

„She's just nice.” Javi opposed weakly and Alex snorted.

„Dude, remember last time I came to play video games? She knocked to your door wearing the tiniest pyjamas ever, and asked if she could borrow some sugar.” he said, wiggling his eyebrows „Don't tell me you haven't figured that out.”

„Umm...” Javi trailed off, feeling rather dumb, and Alex facepalmed.

„Okay, you dummy, so is there some girl or not? Or maybe it's a guy?” he asked, his eyes brightening up „It's a dude, isn't it? Shit, it's been ages since you had a thing for a guy-”

„Alex, can we, um, not go through my relationship history right now.” Javi stuttered and Alex rolled his eyes.

„Fiiiiine, but I'm watching you.” he said and Javi smiled with relief.

„Why stop, it was interesting.” said a familiar voice behind him and Javi screeched, choking on his beer.

„Woah, you okay?” Alex leaned forward, slightly concerned, and Javi nodded, coughing.

„Yep, all is fine.” he managed, hearing Yuzuru's quiet giggle.

He was going to murder him.

He somehow managed to change the topic to Alex's travelling plans and what was his sister Maia doing. It was all fun and everything, but Javi still kept glancing if Yuzuru was creeping somewhere behind his back.

„I thought you said something about privacy before.” he complained when they were going back to his apartment and Yuzuru shrugged.

„That was when I though you were dragging me on a date.” he said and Javi just shook his head. At least Yuzuru was in a good mood now, which was kind of refreshing.

Whatever mysterious reasons Yuzuru had to be so cheerful, they were still working when they got back home.

„Javi-” he asked, sitting on the edge if Javi's bed and stared at him with big eyes „- can we read today?”

„You mean I should read you?”

Yuzuru smiled and Javi chuckled, shaking his head.

„You're in a really good mood.” he noticed out loud, finally, and Yuzuru shrugged, tilting his head a little.

„I guess I'm just glad it's you I got stuck with.” he said slowly „It could've been so much worse, right? But now, I think... it's just suddenly easy to believe that it's all gonna be okay.”

Javi stared at him, feeling something weird growing in his chest. Because what it meant now, that _it's all gonna be okay_? That Yuzuru would wake up and wouldn't remember any of that. And that thought suddenly bothered him, maybe more than it should, because just a few days earlier he had no idea that Yuzuru even existed.

It didn't feel right, suddenly.

„Javi?”

Javi swallowed past the lump in his throat and smiled.

„You're spoiled.”

Yuzuru just rolled his eyes.

„Fine.” Javi sighed, as if he was seventy years old dealing with his overactive grandson „But no longer than an hour, I need my beauty sleep.”

Yuzuru's answering laugh was bright and warm.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me @Yuzu the whole chapter: stop being jealous  
> Yuzu: no  
> me: ... okay fine  
> Also I realized I hand't mentioned Javi's glasses in the first three chaps which is A CRIME


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi meets another member of Yuzuru's family and also discovers that his new bestie is kind of attractive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm procrastinating on my two essays because I like this fic too much.

 

„It's not gone.”

„Hmm?” Javi turned around and looked at Misha, who was staring at him with mysterious smile.

„The presence following you-” Misha said, making a big gesture with his both hands „- is still here.”

„Oh yeah.” Javi nodded, smiling back „I talked with the guys you had told me about, and now I... know how to deal with that.”

„I'm glad.” Misha nodded „But I need to say... it doesn't feel dangerous. Actually, it's kind of... glowing.”

„Yeah, he's harmless, just annoying sometimes.” Javi joked without thinking and Yuzuru let out an offended gasp from his spot on a pile of yoga mats. Misha opened his mouth, looking surprized, and Javi chuckled nervously. It was one thing to acknowledge a presence of some aura and believe in lucky charms, but admitting to actually see something was some new level thing that maybe even Misha wouldn't understand fully.

„Umm, I'm gonna go and check what's going on in camping.” Javi said, walking backwards and smiling brightly; Yuzuru was laughing his lungs out, basically rolling around, and Misha was staring at him with confusion.

„That wasn't funny.” Javi grumbled as he was walking and Yuzuru giggled again.

„It was.”

„Well, you're not the one who's talking to himself all the time.” Javi noted, recalling all the weird stares he had got over the past few days; he reminded himself to take his earplugs with him the next time, to look a little bit less suspicious „Everytime we leave home I'm half expecting someone to call an ambulance on me.”

„You're so dramatic.” Yuzuru said, rolling his eyes, but never stopping smiling „At least I'm very entertaining, like you said.”

„I said annoying.” Javi reminded him and Yuzuru snorted.

„Whatever.”

The rest of Javi's shift passed in the similar atmosphere, them joking around and ejnoying the warm familiarity between them. It was nice, but Javi was still thinking about what had jumped into his mind the night before.

That was only temporary. No matter how nice and familiar it was, no matter how much he liked Yuzuru- it was all going to end soon, maybe even that day. He didn't know how much time they had left, and he didn't know if Yuzuru actually realized that. He seemed cheerful and relaxed, for whatever reason, and Javi wasn't going to touch that amnesia thing now.

Yuzuru had appeared in his life suddenly, like an unexpected storm, and he put his whole life upside down. The thing was, despite the whole craziness, Javi kind of enjoyed that, maybe more than he should. It was nice, to have someone around to laugh, watch tv, talk about books. Javi had never had a relationship serious enough to be living with the other person, and now there was that guy, funny and snarky, who probably had been a little bit too lonely before all of that.

And it felt good.

„You have your thinking face on.”

Javi blinked, realizing that he was standing like a statue, with a bunch of trekking sticks in his arms.

„I'm hungry.” he said, and it even wasn't a lie.

„You're always hungry.” Yuzuru noticed and Javi bit back a comment that well, he was alive and fully functioning human being who needed food.

„We'll stop by some place on the way to the hospital, okay?” he asked and Yuzuru's smile dimmed a little.

„Yeah, of course.” he nodded absently and Javi bit his lip. He felt a weight of responsibility on his shoulders, and he still couldn't get used to that.

 

 

„I miss eating.” Yuzuru whined, staring at the dish in front of Javi and pouting „It looks so good, and I don't even know what it is.”

„Moussaka.” Javi said, digging his fork in and inhaling the aroma „This is the best place in the city to eat one.”

They were sitting in a small Greek restaurant that was one of Javi's favourite spots to have a meal; he was a frequent customer and Gabby- the owner's daughter and the best waitress ever- brightened up when she saw him, and didn't even had to ask to know his order.

„I don't experiment with food that much.” Yuzuru confessed, still staring at Javi's plate „I usually go with Japanese or something safe, like pasta with chicken.”

„Well, it's a crime.” Javi said with a mouthful of food „It's like, the best way to experience another countries without even leaving Toronto. I so don't have money for travels, but at least I can teleport to Greece for half an hour.”

„You don't need a lot to make you happy.” Yuzuru noticed, his smile thoughtful, and Javi shrugged.

„It's all about the little things.” he said and then grinned even wider, teasing „The universe knew what it was doing, matching us, a happy one and a sullen one.”

„Shut up and eat your food.” Yuzuru said, rolling his eyes but still smiling.

Yuzuru kept his good mood for a bit longer, but when they entered the hospital Javi noticed that he tensed a little bit, his smile dimmed.

„Don't worry, it's all gonna be fine.” he said reassuringly and Yuzuru sighed.

„I know, I just... I hope my parents are there. I miss them, and I'd like to talk to them so much.” he said and Javi's heart clenched with compassion.

„I'll do what I can to make that possible.” he said gently, hoping that he could fulfill that promise.

He knocked to the door to Yuzuru's room before entering, and he was glad he did. There was a man sitting on the chair next to the bed, who was now looking at Javi with gentle interest.

„Hello.” Javi said, a little bit awkwardly, Yuzuru by his side staring at the man „I hope I don't interrupt anything? I'm Yuzu's friend, I wanted to pay him a visit.”

„Of course.” the man smiled at him „I'm his dad. And you're Javier?”

„Umm, yes.” Javi said, surprized.

„Saya mentioned you to us.” Yuzuru's dad explained „We're really glad that... he has someone to talk to beside us.”

„Well, yeah, I'm glad too.” Javi said nervously, glaring at Yuzuru who looked kind of deflated „I wish I could help, somehow.”

„The doctors say it's all in his hands now.” the older man explained and Javi winced slightly, because he knew that it wasn't entirely true „So all we can do is to show him that we're waiting for him.”

Yuzuru made a weird, choked sound, and Javi gave him a little compassionate smile. Hesitantly, he grabbed the other chair and sat next to Yuzuru's father, who nodded at him approvingly.

„We're trying to take turns so he's not alone too long, but it's not always working out.” he explained „We're all working, and Saya-” he cut himself off, as if realizing that he was about to say too much, and gave Javi an apologetic smile „- and it's really good that someone beside us visits him too. In the end, we don't know everything about his life... he can be pretty indrawn.”

„But he also has a very sharp tongue.” Javi chimed in before he could stop himself and he could basically feel Yuzuru's death glare on him. But Yuzuru's father only chuckled quietly, nodding.

„He does. He tries to contain himself with us, but it's... his defense system, kind of.”

„Defense system?” Javi asked and at the same moment Yuzuru started shaking his head.

„I don't like this, change the topic, change the topic.” he insisted and Javi really had to try not to show to Yuzuru's father what was going on „I don't want you to talk about it.”

Javi understood that it was maybe something Yuzuru didn't want to share, and he was ready to respect that, but at the same time he wasn't sure how to do so. He couldn't just really tell Yuzuru's father to stop because his son was screaming into Javi's ear. So he only smiled politely, sending Yuzuru an apologetic look and then glaring back again at his father, who didn't seem to notice anything.

„Yes, defense.” he nodded „I don't know if he told you, but he was bullied a little bit, in elementary school. Just kids being mean, but it somehow made an impact on his entire life.” he sighed, shaking his head „We transferred him pretty quickly, as soon as we found out, and it didn't happen again, but the damage was done. He never made real friends with anyone, for what I know. And when we ask him about it, he says he still has time, or that he doesn't need to be distracted.” Yuzuru's father said, shrugging helplessly, and Javi was under a strong impression the had been waiting for an opportunity to say all of that to someone „Sometimes I'm just wishing he would take a bit more from life. There's so much more out there than just studying and books.”

The silence that fell after that confession was heavy and a little bit awkward, and Javi had no idea how to act. Yuzuru was quiet and he was afraid to look at him, not ready to face whatever expression he was wearing.

„I'm sorry” Yuzuru's father sighed „ramblings of an old man.”

„No, no.” Javi said quickly, smiling at him „It just means that you care a lot. And I'm sure he knows that.”

„Thank you, Javier.” the man smiled and then glanced at his son on the bed „It's time for me to go.” he said with a sigh „You'll stay here for a little bit longer?”

„Yes.” Javi nodded quickly and Yuzuru's father looked somehow relieved.

Yuzuru didn't say a word when they were left alone, his stare blank and fixed on Javi's face.

Javi felt like he should say something, anything, to break that sudden tension, but his mind was empty. A part of him wanted to tell Yuzuru that he was sorry, but at the same time he felt like maybe ignoring that topic would be better. Yuzuru clearly hadn't wanted Javi to know that part about him, and Javi felt somehow guilty.

„He's a nice man.” he said finally and Yuzuru blinked slowly, before inhaling sharply.

„He is.” he said, his voice sounding forced, and Javi's chest was suddenly tight.

„It's okay.” he whispered, his own smile suddenly feeling weak. He hoped that Yuzuru understood what he meant by that; it was okay that he didn't want to talk about everything, and it was okay to be a little bit sad and lonely.

„I don't want to talk about it.” Yuzuru said quietly and Javi nodded.

„You don't have to. I don't want you to talk about it if it makes you sad.” he said softly and Yuzuru's eyes widened „And I'm sorry, for before.”

„No, it's okay.” Yuzuru gave him a pale smile „It wasn't pleasant, but I... I know that you both care.”

They looked at each other, their eyes connected, and Javi's lips were suddenly dry.

Yuzuru's gaze was calm, as if he just came to terms with something, as if he knew something Javi didn't, and suddenly it all felt more serious than ever, the two of them, that mysterious, unnamed force that had decided to bring them together sparkling in the air between their bodies.

Javi was the first one to break the eye contact, when the scratching in his throat became unbearable and he had to swallow heavily, looking away.

„I think we should get going.” Yuzuru said suddenly and Javi looked back at him with confusion „You're tired.” Yuzuru added and well, he was right.

„Yeah, that's true.” Javi nodded, still feeling stiff, and he got up slowly, wincing when his right knee cracked „I feel like I need to lay down.”

Yuzuru smiled suddenly, a wide, smug grin that swept the previous tension away immediately.

„You're welcome to take my place.” he deadpanned and Javi chuckled, feeling himself relaxing a little.

He looked down at Yuzuru's unconscious body, his fragile, lean frame; he looked calm and relaxed, as if he was going to wake up at any moment. Without much thinking, Javi reached with his hand and gently brushed away hair falling on his forehead. Under his fingertips he could feel Yuzuru's smooth, cool skin, and his palm tingled, as if there was a spark of electricity between them.

„You really could use a haircut.” he said absently, letting his hand linger on Yuzuru's cheek for a brief moment before pulling back „Okay, I think-” he started, turning around, but the words died on his tongue.

Yuzuru was staring at him, his eyes wide, and standing just a tad closer than Javi remembered. And then it was back, that heavy, trembling tension that they had got rid of only minutes earlier.

Everything seemed to be slowed down, the flutter of Yuzuru's eyelashes, Javi's own heartbeat. It was like Javi didn't have full grasp on what was happening, and like he didn't have control over his own body, because his gaze dropped on his own and right to Yuzuru's mouth. His own lips parted, as if anticipating something, and he drew in a sharp, shaky breath.

And then, he snapped out of it.

He didn't know why exactly, but suddenly he took a step back, his eyes going up just to catch Yuzuru staring down for a second before his gaze travelled to meet Javi's.

Javi didn't have enough courage to handle Yuzuru's intense, dark stare, so he looked away immediately, clearing his throat.

„So-” he started, trying his absolute best as if nothing happened „- you ready to go?”

It took Yuzuru a moment to answer, and when he did, his voice was flat.

„Sure.”

 

 

Javi felt bad. Or to be more specific, he felt confused and dizzy and then even more confused. Yuzuru decided to walk by his side in complete silence, and Javi was kind of happy because of that, but his other part was trembling with a feeling of discomfort. He felt like he had fucked something up, but he couldn't even bring himself to start analyzing that, not with Yuzuru's gloomy presence right next to him.

He couldn't handle the silent tension too well, so he decided to finally call his mom and spent all the way back to the apartment on babbling about his work and all kind of random stuff. She seemed to be delighted to hear all of that, and Javi felt a sting of guilt- he really wasn't the best son lately.

„It sounds like you're having intense time lately.” his mom chuckled as he was struggling with opening the door to his apartment.

„Well yes, I'm a bit busy.” he admitted, pushing the door and letting them inside; Yuzuru immediately went straight to the balcony and Javi breathed out the sigh of relief.

„I hope you're not working too much.” his mom said, suddenly concerned „You sound tired.”

„Oh no, it's, umm, personal stuff, you know.” he rambled and then almost facepalmed „Anyway, I'll call you later, I love you, bye!” he ended the call before she could ask him more questions.

He was a mess, an absolute mess.

He decided to hide in a shower.

„What the fact are you doing, Fernandez.” he muttered to himself, turning the water on and closing his eyes „Get a freaking grip.”

Now, surrounded by calming blue color of the tiles and the sound of running water, he was able to face the facts. Facts being, that Yuzuru was, objectively speaking- pretty attractive. Attractive and smart and funny, and if the situation was different, Javi would probably ask him out. Or something.

But the situation was slightly more complicated, because they couldn't even touch each other, and more importantly- it all would end soon. Javi knew he shouldn't think about it too much, because it still felt weird, to know that he would disappear from Yuzuru's memory and all his dilemmas wouldn't matter anyway.

But until that, he had to get a grip. There was no time for what ifs and all that stuff.

He swore and change the water to just a little bit colder.

 

„You took long.”

Javi almost screeched at Yuzuru's voice coming from behind him. When he left the bathroom Yuzuru was nowhere to be found and Javi was kind of relieved, not really ready to face him. So he quietly paced to the kitchen and started preparing something to drink, and now was staring at Yuzuru staring at him.

„I felt like soaking today.” he said and Yuzuru tilted his head a little, looking at him with something that looked like curiosity; Javi took a second to notice that at least Yuzuru seemed to be in a much better mood now, not glaring around sulkily.

„Did you want to kiss me?” Yuzuru asked suddenly and Javi felt all air leaving his lungs and all thoughts evaporating from his brain. He gaped, and he knew that he probably looked like some dumb idiot, but he was honestly paralyzed.

Yuzuru bit his lower lip, clearly considering something, and then cleared his throat, blushing just a little bit.

„Because I think I wanted to kiss you.”

„Oh.” was all Javi could get out and Yuzuru gave him a half smile.

„So?” he urged, a bit impatiently, and Javi took a deep breath.

„Well-” he trailed off, but then decided to man up „- if you were really there, I probably would.”

„Huh.” Yuzuru said, looking genuinely surprized „That's good to know.”

„Okay.” Javi said dumbly, feeling utterly confused „That's... good?”

Yuzuru chuckled at that, quietly and unexpectedly.

„Why are you so stressed?”

„Umm, so, I didn't- I thought... you were pretty tense back there, you know.” Javi rambled, recalling what had happened in the hospital „I thought you'd be-” he waved his hand helplessly and Yuzuru shook his head.

„Well like I said-” he said, smiling softly „- I kinda wanted to kiss you. But I couldn't, so my mood got worse for a moment.” he said, and Javi thought that his smile looked just a little bit regretful now.

„Such a shame, huh?” Javi asked, half teasing and half serious, relieved that it suddenly was so easy.

„What, you're saying you're a good kisser?” Yuzuru asked, playing along.

„Oh you just wish you knew.” Javi said and Yuzuru laughed at that, and Javi felt so light he almost laughed too. He had been stressing so much, just mere minutes ago, and now they were joking around.

He thought it was the bestr option; they could go all serious and angsty about that, but instead they decided to laugh it away while still acknowledging that there was some kind of attraction. In the end they were two good looking guys who had to deal with each other for who knows how long. They liked each other, and they were good together, but that was it. That had to be it, and there was no way to change it.

„So, I think _The Martian_ is on tv today.” Javi said and Yuzuru's eyes twinkled „You wanna watch it with me and explain all the science stuff?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this how adults talk? I can't relate, but I hope it's right hah


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long talks, sad conclusions and maybe some slow realizations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who needs studying when you can write fanfics am i right

 

„I think we need some kind of a plan.” Javi announced, flopping on the sofa and taking a sip of his coffee. On the other side to the room, Yuzuru was crouching in front of Effie and making faces at her in an attempt to prove to Javi that she could actually see him.

„A plan?” Yuzuru repeated absently, snapping his fingers in fron of Effie and getting absolutely zero reaction.

„Well, yeah.” Javi shifted, feeling a bit uncomfortable to bring that topic up, but they needed to talk about it finally „About that sacrifice stuff.”

Yuzuru froze for a second and then slowly looked up at Javi.

„Fine.” he said after a moment and made his way to the sofa, sitting down next to Javi „Any ideas?”

His gaze was calm and steady, and Javi swallowed hard before speaking again.

„First of all, do you even want me to do anything?” it was something he had thought about during last night, when he had a room all to himself since Yuzuru insisted on watching _Planet Earth_ marathon in the living room.

„Basically, my question is- should I intervene at all? Give your family some hint? Or just let them figure this out at their own pace?” Javi hesitated for a moment „Actually, I thought about it and I think they might not even realize that they _have_ to do it. Maybe they'll just do- sacrifice- something simply because they love you, not realizing that it is some kind of a... rule.”

Yuzuru narrowed his eyes, clearly deep in thought, and Javi waited patiently.

„I don't know.” Yuzuru breathed out, his shoulders dropping „I still hate that they have to sacrifice something for me. It's not fair. Why couldn't universe come up with some weird shaman ritual instead?”

„I'm sorry.” Javi said with sympathy „But the guys made it clear- someone who loves you a lot, and a sacrifice.”

„Well, that leaves us with literally three people.” Yuzuru sighed, a shadow of gloom in his eyes, and Javi knew he had to bring up his best joking game.

„I know you'd prefer if it was some Sleeping Beauty kind of stuff, but no such luck.” he said and it worked out just like he hoped.

„You're delusional.” Yuzuru snorted, leaving the sofa and going back to pestering Effie.

That was like that now, as if nothing had changed. And maybe, nothing changed. They were still friends, they joked and laughed and talked about stuff. And also, they had admitted that they would like to kiss each other, maybe, if they had a chance. Honest acknowledgemnt that didn't bring any awkwardness with it, just a simple statement of a fact.

„Let's see how it goes, for now. Okay?” Yuzuru said suddenly from his spot on the floor „Just... give them some time.”

„Okay.” Javi agreed, smiling with understanding „You can crash in here however long you want.”

Yuzuru grinned and Javi grinned back, but before they could get into a staring contest, Javi's phone dinged with a new notification.

„Okay, so apparently the universe loves coincidences.” he said, reading the message he just got.

„What's that?”

„It's your sister.” Javi said, waving his phone „She asks if I'd like to meet for a coffee today.” he explained, typing the response before dropping the phone on the sofa „Wait, what if I charmed her so much she wants to go out with me?”

„Wow, you're really confident in your charming abilities.” Yuzuru snorted, rolling his eyes „And beside that, she has a guy in New Brunswick.”

„That's nice.” Javi said, glaring at his phone „Okay, so we're having not- a- date with your sister at three. What about we're gonna go shopping before?”

„What do we have to buy?”

„A gift for my parents' anniversary. It's in April, a few days after my birthday.” Javi said, smiling slightly and then shaking his head „Laura betrayed me this year and told me that we're doing separate gifts. She's so mean.”

„Me and Saya just give our parents wine and take them out for dinner.”

„That's nice, although we go out out to eat pretty often, so I need something, you know- extra.”

„Okay.” Yuzuru grinned, standing up „Let's go find something extra.”

 

„You can't buy your parents a fruit juicer for their anniversary.” Yuzuru said sternly and Javi groaned.

„But why not? It's useful, right?”

„Yeah, but do they really need it?”

Javi stopped for a moment and tried to think really hard.

„Maybe... not.”

„There you go.” Yuzuru said and then sighed „Okay, tell me a bit about them. How did they meet?”

„My mom's first day in high school.” Javi said, already hearing his dad's melodramatic voice in his head, and he smiled „Like my dad likes to say- _she entered the cafeteria and swept me off my feet._ It took him a week to convince her to go on a date with him, and since then, that was it.” Javi shook his head, smiling fondly „My mom says it was the love at first sight from her side too, but she tried to play uninterested just for fun.”

„Wow.” was all Yuzuru said at first, looking genuinly stunned „Love at first sight, you say? Didn't know it exists.”

„It certainly does.” Javi smiled and then clapped his hands „Hey, what about matching pyjamas?”

„Oh my god-”

After two more hours and some hushed arguing- that earned Javi some weird lookes from other people- they managed to agree on a set of vinyls with some classic love songs, two very pretty cups and matching socks with ladybugs.

„I can't believe you're buying your parents some childish socks.” Yuzuru grumbled and Javi laughed in response.

„Come on, they'll love it! And beside that, they'll be so happy to see me they'll take anything.”

Yuzuru's smile dimmed a little suddenly.

„They must miss you a lot.” he said, quietly.

„Yeah, I guess they do. I miss them too.” he said and Yuzuru just nodded, his expression thoughtful.

 

 

„Hello, Javi.” Saya smiled at him when he approached her, and he smiled back, a little embarassed.

„Hi, so sorry I'm late.” he said, taking his place on the other side of the table, Yuzuru climbing on the window still next to their table „It's nice to see you, although I have to say, I was a little bit surprized when I got your message.”

„Well, I wanted-” Saya stopped for a moment when a smiling waiter came to take Javi's order „- this might sound weird, but I just... felt like talking to you.” she said, smiling a bit sheepishly „I mean, all what's going on... you're like, the only person except my family that I know I can talk about Yuzu with.” she explained „I know that you barely know him, since you met only once, but my dad told me you were in the hospital and it's just... so nice to know that someone cares.” she finished and then blinked rapidly, her smile turning apologetic „I'm sorry, that was a lot of rambling.” she chuckled nervously, taking a sip of her coffee.

„That's totally fine, don't apologize.” Javi said, smiling at her encouragingly „I see that you both can get a bit rambly sometimes.” he joked without much thinking and Saya narrowed her eyes slightly, but still smiling.

„Wow, this is kinda hard to believe that Yuzuru showed you that part of himself so quickly.” she said, wondering, and he had to try real hard to keep his face straight „He is pretty distant with... people, but once he gets comfortable he's unable to shut up. I'm just... a bit surprized you talk about him so warm already.”

„I guess I've my way with people.” he said lightly, and Saya chuckled.

„Yeah, I guess I can see that.” she said and then her smile faded away, and she sighed deeply. Javi glanced at Yuzuru, who was watching his sister with focus, and then looked back at Saya.

„Is there anything you want to talk about?” he asked gently and she stared at him, biting her lip in a manner that reminded him of Yuzuru a lot. After a moment of hesitation, she took something out from her bag and put it on a table in front of her. An envelope, with Yuzuru's name on it; it was clear that she had opened it already earlier.

„It came today.” Saya said, smiling a bit bitterly, and Javi looked at her with confusion; even Yuzuru clearly had no idea what was the letter about, staring at the envelope curiosuly.

„A few months back Yuzu applied for one year scholarship in London, to work on some physics stuff I won't even try to understand. They did some competiton, and the person with the most intersting and advanced project would win.”

Javi didn't have to know what was in the envelope now.

„I don't know what to do.” Saya said quietly „It's such a small thing, comparing to what's going on, but... I don't know, it just made me-” she shook her head, giving him a pale smile „What should I do? Write them that my brother is in coma and tell them he won't make it? Wait and see if he wakes up till September? It's still six months away, but what if he won't, I-”

„Hey.” Javi cut her rambling off, touching her hand gently „Take a deep breath, okay?”

Saya stared at him for a moment and then did what he asked. Javi was watching her closely and he knew Yuzuru was doing the same.

„I'm sorry.” Saya said after a minute of silence „I guess I just had to get it out in front of someone who's not my parents.”

„It's okay.” he reassured her quickly and then sighed „I wish I had some great advice for you, but ig I were you... I guess I'd wait.” he stole a short glance in Yuzuru's direction and smiled a bit wider „Read him that letter out loud during the next visit, maybe that would motivate him to wake up.”

„Maybe.” Saya agreed with a wet chuckle.

There was a loud ding coming from her bag and she smiled apologetically before taking her phone and looking at the screen. Javi noticed a shadow running through her face and how she clearly surpressed a sigh before putting the phone away.

„Everything okay?” he asked gently and she nodded.

„Yes.” she said- an obvious lie- and she suddenly looked tired and older than she really was „I was supposed to visit someone this week, but I guess it won't be happening.” she said and then winced, a slight blush of embarassment creeping on her cheeks „Sorry, that was way too much info than you needed.”

„Maybe the coffee's still not working.” Javi joked and Saya gave him a grateful smile.

„I bet she was going to visit Adam.” Yuzuru muttered, like he was talking to himself, and Javi narrowed his eyes, recalling their brief talk in the morning.

„The weather is not the greatest this March, right?” Saya noted, apparently thinking that Javi was staring at the drizzle outside, and Javi chuckled nervously.

„Yeah, I miss the sun.” he said and Saya smiled.

„We all do.” she said, like she was talking about something else, and the shook her head „I need to go, but thank you so much for meeting me. It's good to talk with someone from... outside.” she winced at the last word but Javi understood.

„My pleasure.” he said „It's all gonna be okay.” he added and Saya nodded, putting the letter back in her bag „You know what you're gonna do about it?” Javi asked gently and she shrugged.

„I guess I'll talk to my parents, but beside that... if Yuzuru wakes up soon and finds out that I ruined his career, he will be so mad.” she chuckled and Javi grinned.

„Valid.” Yuzuru muttered and Javi had to bite his tongue not to laugh.

 

„London, huh?” he asked Yuzuru after saying goodbye to Saya and putting and taking out his earplugs.

„They offer really good opportunities there.” Yuzuru said, sounding distracted „And I always want to live in Europe for a bit.”

„Cool.” Javi nodded, ignoring a weird churning of his stomach and looking at Yuzuru closely „You okay? You look weird.”

„Yeah, I just... I hope Saya and Adam are okay.” Yuzuru said, shrugging „They've been in that long distance relationship since they graduated and I know that Saya wants them to make a big step, but she looked kinda sad today. I don't know.” he sighed and Javi suddenly felt something unpleasant growing in his chest.

„Now you look weird.” Yuzuru noted and Javi winced, not really proud of what he was thinking about.

„So, this is gonna sound awful and I'm sorry, but- Saya decided not to go visit him because of the whole... situation, right?”

„Right, I guess.”

„Umm, and what if, you know, it influences their relationship in, ugh, not the best way?” Javi continued, feeling pretty bad about all what he was saying.

Yuzuru stared at him with confusion and then his eyes widened with understaning.

„Oh.”

„Yeah.”

„You think that would work, though?” Yuzuru asked, his expression a mix of emotions Javi couldn't decipher „As a sacrifice?”

„The guys said something along happiness and dreams, right?” Javi said „And I mean, she'd do that for you, right? So maybe she wouldn't look at it as a sacrifice, but... it would be.”

„Fuck.” Yuzuru said flatly „Fuck this.”

Javi swallowed, looking at the ground and feeling very, very bad.

„I need a drink.”

 

„This is fucked up.” Javi mumbled, emptying his glass and waving at the bartender; since Yuzuru had appeared in his life he was pretty sure he could handle anything, but the sudden possibility of Saya sacrificing- even if unconsciously- her relationship for Yuzuru's sake punched Javi in the face and made him feel really bad.

„Here you go.” the bartender handed him another beer „Everything alright in here?”

„I'm talking with my invisible friend about stupidity of the universe.” Javi said and the guy didn't even flinch.

„I'll leave you to that then.” he said with a smirk and Javi sighed, glaring at Yuzuru, who looked pretty miserable.

„How are you?”

„Unhappy.” Yuzuru stated the obvious „It's is not fair.”

„But maybe it won't happen.” Javi said, hopeful „Maybe they'll work it out.”

„And I'll stay like that forever.” Yuzuru said blankly and Javi closed his eyes for a moment. There was no good way out from this situation, and every option would make someone unhappy.

They stayed silent for a few minutes, surrounded by a buzz of a bar around them, people laughing and talking, Yuzuru sitting next to Javi, his shoulders curled and face full of reflection.

„Were you ever in love, Javi?” he asked suddenly and Javi looked at him, surprized by a sudden question.

„Twice.”

„Why didn't it work out?”

„It just wasn't meant to be, I guess. Not every love story has a happy ending.” Javi said, wicing at his own words and what they mean „What about you?”

Yuzuru glared down at the counter and then fixed his stare on some point next to Javi's ear.

„I don't know how it feels, to be in love.” he admitted quietly and Javi felt a wave of overwhelming sadness.

„One day you'll know.” Javi said „You'll feel it, and you'll just now.”

Yuzuru looked at him, his gaze dark and deep, and suddenly Javi felt utterly exhausted.

„Let's go home, okay?” he asked tiredly and Yuzuru's expression softened.

„Okay.” he said, his voice gentle „Let's go home.”

 

 

„Why did I think that living on the fifth floor without an elevator was a good idea.” Javi panted and Yuzuru chuckled, turning around to look at him.

„You drank three beers.” he noticed, surprisingly gently, and Javi rolled his eyes.

„Three beers can't get anyone drunk.” he said „It must be all that stuff I'm carrying, so heavy.” he said, speaking of bags with presents that he had been carrying all day.

„Sure.” Yuzuru shrugged; he was quiet, still not at peace with what they had been talking about, but Javi was happy that he was still able to smile.

„Hey there!” a familiar voice behind him almost made him jump.

„Gina, hey.” he smiled weakly at his neighbour „Nice to see you.”

„You too!” she smiled brightly and suddenly Javi remembered all the stuff Alex had told him during their last meeting, and he felt a tiny bit uncomfortable „I'm actually so happy to see you, you know.” Gina continued, takng a step closer „I wanted to ask you if you'd like to hang out, tonight or some other time?”

Javi stared at her, suddenly heavily aware of Yuzuru's presence behind him, and he felt so damn tired.

„I'm sorry, Gina.” he said gently „This is so nice of you, but I really can't. Have a good night.” he said, turning away before her smile turned into disappointment. But then his heart skipped a beat when he didn't see Yuzuru anywhere.

 

 

He found Yuzuru lying on his bed, on the side closer to the wall.

„Didn't know you were so tired you had to lay down and leave me there.” Javi said, turning the light on.

„Wanted to give you some privacy.” Yuzuru said, staring at the ceiling, and Javi surpressed a sigh. He was tired, very slightly tipsy, and he just wanted to have a good night sleep and not think about sacrifices and sad relationship stories.

„Okay.” he simply said „Just heads up, I'm going to change into my pyjamas, so you can decide if you wanna look or not.” he said, making a last minute decision to use the joke opportunity. Yuzuru made a weird sound, like he was trying his best not to laugh, and closed his eyes.

„Fine, I'm not offended at all.” Javi said and Yuzuru snorted, his eyes still closed.

It was clear that Yuzuru was in a weird mood, but so was Javi. It was an intense day, with ups and downs, and they both had some thinking to do. He switched the light off and threw himself on the bed face down, only to realize that he hadn't drawn the courtains and now there was some faint streetlight coming through, but he didn't really care. Javi closed his eyes, ready to drift away, but then Yuzuru decided to open his mouth.

„You didn't want to hang out with her?”

Javi turned on his side and opened his eyes to meet Yuzuru's gaze, his face barely visible in the dim light.

„I prefer to hang out with you.”

He didn't add _because I don't know how much time we have left,_ but he knew that Yuzuru thought that to, as if he could sense that in the small space separating them.

The silence stretched, heavy and charged with what thet chose not to say.

„I'm scared.” Yuzuru whispered into the dark stillness of the room, and Javi's breathing hitched.

„Of what?” Javi asked, his voice quiet and hoarse.

Yuzuru swallowed visibly, inhaling sharply before speaking again.

„When I wake up, I- I won't be the same person anymore.” he stopped, his voice getting caught in his throat „- I won't ever know that. You changed my life, but I won't remember that. I've grown, and I learned so much, but I'll be the same distant, sullen guy who doesn't care about people.” he said, his voice starting to tremble „I don't want that.”

Javi didn't know what to say, or maybe he did, but he couldn't make a sound, his eyes fixed on Yuzuru's face.

„I thought I had all the time in the world, you know. I was always saying that one day I'd actually give people a chance, go out, have fun. And I have it, now, without really _being here_. It's- I'm just sad, that the future me- that I won't get that.”

„Okay, we'll do it that way.” Javi said, suprizing even himself with the strength of his voice „When you wake up, I'll find you, and I'll force you to become my friend again. I'll survive you being suspicious and sulllen and distant. I'll do it all again, if you only want to.”

He hadn't really thought that through. He just said what he felt, and what he meant with all his heart, and he only started realizing that when he saw how Yuzuru's eyes started filling with tears.

„You would really do that?” he asked, his voice shaking, and Javi smiled, because that question was so damn stupid.

„Of course I would. You're worth that effort.” he said gently and Yuzuru looked at him, serious and soft, a small smile blossoming on his lips.

„You want to kiss me again, don't you?”

He did.

„I want to hug you more.” Javi said, his voice cracking a little, and Yuzuru chuckled wetly.

„I wish you could hug me too.” he said, leaning a bit closer and suddenly Javi could count all his eyelashes.

„One day, I will.”

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smiles, important realizations and painful decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy

 

A week passed since Javi's meeting with Saya and nothing happened. Yuzuru was still there, with all his mood swings and pestering Javi to read him. They had a routine now, after all that time together, kind of- Yuzuru patiently, or not so much, waited in the morning while Javi was pacing around sleepily and getting ready for work. Then a shift in the store, where they still talked and Yuzuru got some opportunities to learn new things- for example now he knew very well how to operate cash register and which sleeping bag was the best for camping in the north.

„I'm turning into an expert.” Yuzuru said, sitting on a shelf with vacuum flasks and wiggling his legs „I just saw a couple arguing over which tent was better and I so wanted to tell them that they were both wrong and Patagonia II is the best tent for two ever.”

„I taught you well.” Javi chuckled and Yuzuru snorted at that, but then his eyes widened and tilted his head pointedly. Javi turned around and met Misha's curious smile.

„Oh, hi!” Javi smiled, a bit nervously „Haven't heard you sneaking on me.”

„Obviously. You seemed pretty occupied.” Misha said, pointing the shelf Yuzuru was sitting on „Javi, can I ask you something?”

„Yeah, shoot.”

„I just... I'm really curious about what's going on.” Misha said excitedly „If you want to tell me of course, no pressure and all.”

Javi glared at Yuzuru, who shrugged.

„He seems nice. And apparently knows some stuff already.”

„Uhh, okay.” Javi scratched the back of his neck „Depends what you alredy know?” he half asked, because he was actually kinda curious what Misha could see or sense.

„Well obviously I can see some aura around you.” Misha said „But not your everyday one, you know? Like, addictional.”

Javi didn't really follow, but he just nodded, letting Misha continue.

„And this new one appeared about two weeks ago I think? I mean, I don't see it all the time, but I can tell it's still around, right?”

„- right.” Javi nodded, rather dumbly „But, how you can see it?”

„I guess I just know how to look.” Misha said mysteriously and Javi decided not to press for more in that matter „So I can kinda see that presence around you, you know? And it's glowing, so I got interested.”

„Why?”

„Because I've been told that's how you know there's a spirit following you. That's why I sent you to the guys.”

Javi gaped.

So apparently Misha was really good informed, and now was looking at Javi with really hardly contained excitement. Javi only snapped out if his daze when Yuzuru chuckled quietly behind him.

„Yeah, so, umm, there's a spirit.” Javi said and he could swear Misha's eyes lightened up like two suns „But, uhh, I'll tell you the details some other time, okay?”

„Yeah, sure, wherever you feel like it.” Misha nodded, smiling brightly at him and Javi smiled back, suddenly feeling relieved when he realized that now he kind of had someone to talk about that situation if he would need to.

„He's kinda weird, but I like him.” Yuzuru announced and Javi snorted.

„Yeah, I like him too, but I decided to keep the bloody details for later.” he answered „I'm still not too crazy about the idea of going around and telling people that I see... ghosts.” he said with the slightest hesitation and Yuzuru gave him an unimpressed stare.

„Did you almost make a _Sixth sense_ reference?”

„But you appreciate that I didn't, right?”

„Sure.” Yuzuru rolled his eyes „Anyway, what time is it, I'm getting bored over here.”

„Jeez, you're so spoiled. Still an hour to go.”

„Meh.”

„Oh come on, you're not even working, don't complain.”

„Well true.” Yuzuru agreed and then smiled smugly „But I kinda enjoy watching you doing all the work.”

Javi looked at him suspiciously, not really able to decipher Yuzuru's tone and expression.

„Okay.” he just said slowly „By the way, you're okay with stopping by the library on the way back home? We ran out of books to read.” he decided that it was better to ask Yuzuru about it, since he had some traumatic memories from there.

„Yeah, sure, I don't mind.” Yuzuru shrugged and then gave him a smile that was only a tiny bit bitter „Nothing can really fall on my head now, right?”

„Not funny.” Javi noted sternly and walked away to check on the shoes sections, followed by Yuzuru's quiet giggle.

 

„Hello, Javi.” Tracy smiled at him from behind her desk and Javi waved at her „Read everything already?”

„Yeah, had some long reading sessions.” Javi said, glaring at Yuzuru who just shrugged sheepishly.

„It's not my fault I can't turn pages.” he said and Javi almost chuckled out loud at that.

„Okay, what do we have here.” Javi hummed when they stopped in front of one of the bookshelves „What do you feel like?”

„What about this one?” Yuzuru asked, pointing some book and Javi moved closer to read the title.

„ _Tiger moon_ , huh? I've read that, it's pretty nice.”

„What is it about?”

„Finding yourself, finding love.” Javi shrugged „Add some adventure and Indian landscape, and you've a pretty good read.”

„Nice.” Yuzuru hummed „Maybe next time.”

„Okay.” Javi smiled and got back to looking for a book on his own.

After maybe ten minutes they finally decided on a few titles and then spent whole way back home on arguing about which part of _The_ _Lord of the Rings_ was the best one.

„Let's agree to disagree on this one.” Javi sighed and then grinned smugly „Although we so can have a movie marathon tonight and see who can quote more lines.”

„It's on.” Yuzuru chuckled, hopping on the counter and watching Javi preparing dinner „Hey, can I have a question?”

„Sure.”

„Why didn't you go to an university?”

Javi sighed and looked at Yuzuru, who gave him an apologetic smile.

„I'm sorry, you don't-”

„No, that's fine, I've just heard it so many times.” Javi waved with his knife „First of all, it's expensive. Laura was already in a med school, and I didn't- you know, the thing is, I had no idea what I wanted to do in life. And going to school without some specified plans kinda didn't seem worth all the money.” Javi said, shrugging „It's just- I'm not dumb, I think, but studying just for the sake of studying isn't appealing to me. And I'm good now, I think. I like my job, I read a lot. I think it's good enough.”

„Yeah, I see.” Yuzuru nodded „That's why I was wondering. You're clever, you'd do just fine.”

„Well, we'll see what the future brings.” Javi said lightly and Yuzuru nodded, smiling at him warmly.

They stayed silent after that, Javi preparing his veggies and chicken, and Yuzuru watching him with a soft smile.

„What are you thinking about, you creepster?” Javi asked jokingly and Yuzuru grinned wider, shaking his head.

„I was just thinking about that line from the book you read me.” he said and Javi felt warth blossoming somewhere deep in his chest „ _She_ _noticed that she had never met a person she felt so comfortable being silent with_.”

Javi didn't say anything to that; he just his eyes met Yuzuru's, and that warm, comfortable feeling only got more intense, threatening to bubble to the surface at any moment.

 

 

Javi thought he had everything under control, but then everything went down in flames.

It was another day, another calm evening they were spending on the sofa, lazing around and watching tv midlessly, and then, something clicked. Javi glared at Yuzuru, just to check on him, and suddenly he couldn't tear his eyes from his face. It was stronger than him, and he couldn't help but trace the outline of his face, his lips, nose. He watched, and suddenly he felt a spark inside of him and _oh._

That was bad. That was really, really bad.

 _Stop it_ he ordered himself silently, but there was nothing he could do, not really. He was young, and there was an attractive guy sitting right next to him, and Javi had been single for a pretty long time now.

„Do I have something on my face?”

Javi blinked rapidly and foud out that Yuzuru was looking at him now, and he could feel his cheeks heating up. He felt embarassed, like a teenager caught on staring at his crush, without any control over his stupid body.

„Sorry.” he said, his voice coming out weird „I, umm-” he stammered, and he could feel his muscles tensing and starting to hurt, and he knew he had to run, because that was going to end in a disaster.

Yuzuru tilted his head a little, and something flickered in his eyes, something Javi couldn't quite catch, but what made his lips go dry.

„I'm gonna go to get a shower.” he muttered and then basically ran to the bathroom.

„Get a fucking grip.” Javi hissed to himself, placing one hand on the wall and brething deeply; he was experiencing some kind of deja vu, because there he was again, trying his absolute best not to think about Yuzuru right now and failing spectacularly. His heartbeat was slighlty quicker than usual, blood circling in his veins, and Javi sighed shakily, reaching to turn the water on and then-

„Are you okay?”

Javi froze, his brain turning into cotton and his fingers suddenly feeling weak.

„Yeah.” he answered, wincing when his voice cracked a little „Why are you here?”

A moment of silence.

„You looked weird, before. I wanted to check on you.”

Javi stared at the tiles covering the wall in front of him. Nice, deep blue color that couldn't bring him any peace that time. And then, slowly, he moved. He knew that it was a terrible idea, that he was going to regret that instantly, but there was some force driving him now and he couldn't help it.

He grabbed the shower curtain with his slightly trembling fingers and drew it aside, and he could see how Yuzuru's expression immediately turned into something Javi couldn't name. They just looked at each other, gazes locked, and for a minute the only thing Javi could hear was his own erratic heartbeat.

Yuzuru's eyes were dark when his gaze travelled down from Javi's face, taking in his whole body, and Javi could feel his skin getting hotter with every passing second. He curled his hands into fists and trying to breathe, to control himself, and not make the situation even messier than it was. But the thing was, maybe it was messy, but also thrilling and scary, and so damn overwhelming.

Yuzuru's gaze returned to Javi's face, their eyes locking, and Javi desperately tried to cling to any remaining bits of his sanity.

„You gotta stop looking at me like that.” he said, his throat so dry every word hurt.

„Like what?” Yuzuru asked, his voice lower than usual, and Javi's heart dropped.

_Like you want me too. Like you wish it was real._

_Like if we had a chance._

„You should go.” was all Javi said and Yuzuru tilted his head, his gaze dropping lower for the briefest of moments, his expression unreadable.

„Do you want me to go?” he asked, and his eyes were dark and serious, and for one crazy second Javi wanted to tell him to stay, to talk, to watch. But then there would be no coming back, and in the end it was Javi who would be left alone with all the mess and memories Yuzuru would never get back.

„Please.” he said, his voice pitchy and pathetic, and Yuzuru's expression twisted, turning into a mix of both sadness and understanding. And then he was gone, just like that, and Javi breathed in frantically. His chest was painfully tight, but at the same time he felt almost empty, as if something just got ripped from him and now was lost forever.

Finally, he turned the water on and closed his eyes, letting himself wrap his mind about what had just happened and what it meant.

And so it was- there was an amazing guy, sitting in Javi's living room now. Funny and attractive, someone Javi could see himself with. And the thing was, that he wanted him, that they both wanted each other, in a way. But nothing could happen, and they were already stepping on the thin ice in here, testing, pushing. It was a dangerous game they were playing now and Javi knew that they needed to stop that, probably very soon. He didn't know how long it would last, before Yuzuru waking up- days, weeks, months. They needed to keep it simple, because Javi wasn't looking to be the one to pick up all the pieces after everything would shatter and the only proof that it all had happened would be only a scar in Javi's heart.

„Fuck.” Javi whispered, and he was feeling burnt out and exhausted „Fuck.” he repeated helplessly, letting his words and thoughts and shame disappear in the water.

 

Javi spent in the bathroom way more time than he needed; he was stalling at that point and he knew that, but the thought about confronting Yuzuru was just overwhelmingly scary.

„Man up.” he told himself firmly, staring into the mirror „It can't get any more awkward.”

Yuzuru was curled on the sofa, shoulders hunched, and he looked at Javi nervously.

„Hey.” he said quietly when Javi sat down next to him.

Javi smiled at him, his heart picking up again. Yuzuru bit his lip, as if he was considering something and then let out a quiet, helpless sigh.

„I'm sorry.”

„That's okay.” Javi said and Yuzuru just shook his head with a small half smile „It's okay.” Javi repeated „But we need to talk.”

Yuzuru nodded slowly, looking at him carefully, and Javi took a deep breath.

„We can't do that.” Javi said quietly „We can't do that, act like-” he stopped not really knowing how to say it, but Yuzuru seemed to understand perfectly.

„- like we had a chance.” he finished for him, his voice steady.

Javi felt physically sick, looking at Yuzuru now and not being able to touch him, to tell him that it was all going to work out.

„I'm sorry.” he said, clearing his throat because his voice was hoarse and raspy „But you understand why, right?”

„I-” Yuzuru hesitated, his expression twisted „I like you. So much.” he said bluntly and Javi's heart stuttered; Yuzuru shook his head slightly and gave Javi small, painful smile „But I get it. It's- I can only imagine what you... feel.”

„I like you too.” Javi admitted softly „But I need to think about what will happen after you wake up and that's gonna be... complicated.”

Yuzuru looked at him, as if he was making some decision, his gaze dark and focused on Javi's face.

„You told me once that after I wake up, you'd befriend me again.”

„I did.”

„Even if I'll treat you like some weirdo who just wouldn't leave me alone?”

„I'm a patient guy.” Javi smiled, feeling just a tiny bit lighter.

Yuzuru raised his hand, slowly and catiously, and then reached out as if he wanted to cup Javi's face, his fingers only milimeters from Javi's skin.

„What if I won't feel what I do now?” he asked quietly and in that small, horrible moment, everything was suddenly clear.

There was a knot in Javi's chest, tight and painful and not allowing him to breathe, and all he wanted to do was to scream and cry and curse, because he hadn't signed up for any of that, and now he was sitting there, overwhelmed by a sudden realization that he knew exactly what to do.

„Javi, you okay?” Yuzuru asked, his expression turning worried.

Javi wasn't okay, really. Every muscle in his body hurt and it felt like there was shattered glass in his chest, making every breathe so incredibly painful.

„I need to go to sleep.” he managed the get out and Yuzuru nodded slowly.

They looked at each other and Javi's heart swelled.

„You wanna go with me or watch some tv?” Javi asked, trying to control trembling of his voice.

He didn't know what he wanted Yuzuru to do, beause both options seemed scary. But Yuzuru didn't know what Javi knew- that if he was right, it was probably their last night together. And then, nothing would be the same again.

„Maybe I'd like to watch some _Star Trek_ for a bit.” Yuzuru said, smiling slightly and Javi nodded.

„Sure.” he quickly jumped through tv channels and found the one that was doing sci- fi marathons every night „Here you go.” he said, standing up and Yuzuru looked as if he wanted to say something but in the end only gave Javi a small smile.

Javi smiled back and then paced to his bedroom, closing the door queietly behind him and letting out a long, shaky breath.

„It's gonna be fine.” he said quietly into the familiar darkness of the room „You're gonna be just fine.”

If only he could believe that.

 

 

He didn't tell Yuzuru anything, the next day, except that he would like to stop by the hospital on the way from work.

„Sure.” Yuzuru said, looking at him curiously „But why?”

„I need to check how much your hair has grown since the last time.” Javi teased and Yuzuru chuckled, rolling his eyes.

It hurt, to know that it was probably the last time they did something like that, smiled and joked, completely comfortable and at ease. Javi felt weird the entire day, in the morning and at work, glancing around every few seconds as if he just had to check if Yuzuru was still there.

„You seem nervous today.” Yuzuru noticed at some point and Javi just shrugged, because he was afraid his voice would fail him.

Was it really going tohappen like that, quietly, with Yuzuru not knowing at all?

Maybe he should tell him, but Javi didn't see the point; because he would forget all of that anyway, and whatever he would say or do wouldn't bring Javi any consolation.

Or maybe he should wait, one day, maybe a week. But he was scared it would be just getting harder and harder, and what if at some point he wouldn't have enough strength to do what was right?

 

Javi's stomach was churning as they were walking down the hospital corridor. He just hoped Yuzuru's family wasn't there, because he didn't think he could handle their presence right now.

But it seemed that the universe wanted to make it easier for him, because the only person in the room was Yuzuru, laying on the bed peacefully. Javi's whole body felt heavy as he walked over to the bed, looking down at Yuzuru's silhouette, and his heart fluttered.

„Well-” Yuzuru said, standing right behind Javi „- my hair is still shitty.”

„Yeah.” Javi chuckled wetly „It's really bad.”

It was so obvious, what he had to do now. Maybe his feelings weren't entirely clear even to him, the whole idea still new and dizzying, but he knew that it had to be him.

„Javi.” Yuzuru said quietly and Javi gathered all the courage to turn and look at him „What's going on?”

Yuzuru's eyes were warm and concerened, and Javi almost laughed.

That was it, the sacrifice. Sacrificing all the memories, all the possibilities, chances and hopes.

It was so obvious now, and Javi didn't understand how couldn't he see that before- because he was the only one that would be hurt by Yuzuru waking up. And now, he was the only one who could help him.

„I'm gonna miss you so much.” he said quietly and Yuzuru scrunched his nose in confusion.

„What? Javi-”

Javi couldn't really look him in the eyes anymore, so he turned around to look at the bed again.

„Javi, just talk to me, please.” Yuzuru said pleadingly, but Javi knew he couldn't do that.

He reached out and brushed Yuzuru's hair from his forehead, his fingers trembling. He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply, and then he leaned down and pressed his lips to Yuzuru's forehead.

 _Just let him wake up_ he thought, hoping that someone or something was missing _You can take everything from me, just let him be okay. Please._

For a moment nothing happened, and then Yuzuru gasped, making Javi straighten up and look at him.

Yuzuru was staring at him, his eyes wide, and suddenly Javi couldn't see him clearly, as if there was some fog surrounding him, his silhouette becoming blurry.

„What have you done?” Yuzuru squeaked and Javi's heart broke a little at his helpless, confused tone „What-”

„Goodbye, Yuzu.” Javi whispered and there was a flash on understanding on Yuzuru's face, a flash of panic and pain at once.

„Wha- no no no, you can't-” he choked out desperately, his voice fading away „Javi, I-”

A heartbeat, a blink of an eye.

And then, he was gone.

The sound that escaped Javi's mouth was something between a laugh and a sob, and his whole body started to tremble as the full realization what he had done was catching up to him. His heart was beating frantically and it was so hard to breathe he was actually afraid he was going to collapse. But then he heard a quiet movement behind him and he turned around to see Yuzuru slowly moving his head and hands and letting out quiet grunts.

The wave of relief that flooded Javi's chest was almost painful, but he just had to smile.

He had done it. Yuzuru was awake, and Javi could find some happiness in that.

But then Yuzuru opened his eyes and looked straight at him, and Javi's heart shattered when he saw no rcgognition in them.

He knew it would happen, but it didn't make it any less painful.

Yuzuru stared at him for a moment, his gaze blank, but then closed his eyes and sighed deeply, clearly still in the process of waking up. Javi looked at him one more time, his fragile silhouette, calm face and hair that was just a little bit too long.

And then he turned around and left the room, wondering if he would ever see Yuzuru again.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misery, missed chances and important promises.

 

Javi pushed the door and stepped inside the shop, a bell ringing loudly above his head. He breathed in deeply, the smell of rain he carried from outside replaced by scent of old paper and herbs.

„Good morning, welcome to- oh.”

„Hi, Sergei.” Javi smiled at him and the other man looked at him for a moment before nodding to himself. He made his way to the door and turned the plate so the shop was 'closed' now.

„Come.” Sergei smiled and led Javi to the back of the room „So-” he said when they both sat down „How are-”

„He woke up.” Javi said, forcing the words to leave his mouth, and Sergei gave him a compassionate smile.

„I know.” he said gently „He's not here.”

Javi nodded, because yeah, that made sense.

„When did it happen?”

„A week ago.” Javi said, not really caring that his voice sounded pathetic „Nine days.”

Sergei just looked at him calmly, waiting for him to continue. Javi was grateful that he didn't push him; he came here to talk and ask some questions, but Javi needed a moment to swallow past all the hurt.

„It was me.” Javi said quietly, a taste of copper in his mouth.

„I know.” Sergei said softly and Javi looked at him, surprized. Sergei sighed and gave him a small, apologetic smile.

„I'm sorry. I didn't tell you everything, when you came here.” he said and Javi felt something heavy settling in his chest. Sergei looked at him for a moment and then turned around in his chair, fumbling with some glass, and then handed Javi a cup with some steaming liquid in it. Javi took it mindlessly, enjoying the warmth seeping into his skin through the thin porcelain.

„It had to be you.” Sergei said and Javi's heart stkipped a beat „It always has to be the person that the spirit is connected to.”

Javi just stared at him, unable to say anything. And to be honest, he didn't feel anything. He just felt empty, worn out and exhausted.

„I couldn't tell you and I hope you understand why. It had to be your choice, Javier. And if I told that it had to be you, it would impact everything, your decision, your feelings.”

Javi inhaled sharply, shakily, a lump in his throat growing with every second.

„It was a choice, not an obligation.” Sergei added softly and Javi felt acid in the back of his throat.

„I understand.” he managed to say, his throat feeling like a sandpaper „It makes some sense, I think.” he said, feeling his eyes getting wet and hating that immediately „I guess the universe doesn't like me too much.”

He knew he was being damn obvious right now, but he didn't even care anymore.

Sergei looked at him calmly, steadily, before asking „Why are you here, Javier? What do you want to ask me?”

„I wanted to make sure, that I can- that I can talk to him. That it's not against some stupid universe rules.” Javi said, wincing; it sounded stupid and he knew it, but for the past few days he was torturing himself with a possibility that talking to Yuzuru would somehow make everything go wrong.

„Of course you can.” Sergei smiled „It won't make your sacrifice any less valuable.” he said and then tilted his head a little, his gaze turning focused „The question is, are you going to?”

Javi swallowed hard, looking down at his hands. A part of him didn't want to talk about it, especially to that guy who was basically a stranger, but on the other hand, he felt in a desperate need for something, anything, an advice, a reassurance.

„I don't know.” he said „I promised him that I would, and I want to, but- I don't know if I can.” he almost hated himself for that „I don't know if I can do it, pretend like I don't know him, like I don't-” he stopped himself abruptly, still scared of the words sitting right on the tip of his tongue; he exhaled shakily, rubbing his face „You probably think I'm being stupid.”

„No.” Sergei shook his head, smiling kindly „There's nothing stupid in trying to protect yourself. Because that's what you're doing, right?”

„Yeah, I'm not really looking forward to another heartbreak.” Javi sniffled and the groaned quietly, hiding his face in his hands „This is- this is ridiculous. It all happened in like, not even three weeks, and I-” he hesitated for a second „- is he still a guy I have feelings for or he's somebody else? I just... I don't know if I've enough courage.”

„There's one more thing you need to know.” Sergei said slowly and Javi looked up at him „In this world, nothing gets lost, ever.”

„Wh- what do you mean?”

„I mean that he might not remember you, but his memories are not gone. He just needs to find them.” Sergei said and Javi's heart stuttered „You had your task, now it's his.”

„Wow.” Javi said through his painfully clenched throat, feeling slightly dizzy „The universe really likes to fuck with me, doesn't it?”

He was trying to wrap his mind around the fact that now he had to deal with knowledge that Yuzuru could actually remember him, but Javi couldn't do anything about it. Great. Just fucking great.

„You know, Javi, it wasn't a coincidence, that you two met.”

„Oh yeah?” Javi asked bitterly „So what, it was destiny and all that stuff?”

Sergei shook his head, still smiling compassionately.

„I'd like you to answer me one question.” he said, quietly and calmly „Do you regret that it happened?”

Javi felt itching in his throat and he had to swallow hard to be able to speak, his heart heavy.

„No.”

It had been hard, the past few days, it still was hard, but even for a second he didn't regret meeting Yuzuru, going through all of that in such a short period of time. It was painful, but it was his. Theirs.

„I wish I could help you, somehow.” Sergei said and Javi gave him a crooked, weak smile.

„It's okay.” he sighed and then stood up slowly „Thank you. For tea and for the talk.”

„Of course.” Sergei nodded „Good luck, Javi and... have hope.”

„Yeah.” Javi chuckled tiredly „I'll try.”

 

Effie meowed loudly and jumped on the sofa right next to Javier, and then decided to settle on his stomach, purring when he scratched her behind the ear absently. In front of him tv was playing some movie, but Javi couldn't really focus on that. So he grabbed his phone and started scrolling through the apps and messages, trying to occupy his mind with something.

And then he noticed the last message from Saya, and his heart stuttered painfully in his chest.

_He woke up!!!A few hours ago, I'm sorry I didn't write you earlier. He apparently has some kind of amnesia, because he doesn't remember you, but the doctor says it's not unusual, especially when it comes to recent events. He'll probably be released in the next few days, if you'd like to meet him just let me know!_

Javi never answered.

„What do you say, Effie?” he asked quietly „Should I visit him?”

The cat blinked at him lazily and moved her head a bit closer, like she was agreeing to listen to him.

„Okay, let's say I would, and that he wouldn't be too suspicious about not remembering me at all.” Javi said, expressing all the speculations that had been gathering in his head for the past few days „You think he'll become the same person that was living here with me?” he asked and Effie tilted her head „You think I can make him fall for me?”

In the end, Effie wasn't useful in that case, because she decided to nuzzle her nose into Javi's shirt and then fell asleep again.

„Well-” Javi sighed, enjoying how the heat of the cat's body was now pressed against his battled heart „- at least you love me.”

The words lingered in the air for a moment and Javi sighed deeply, throwing his head back and closing his eyes.

He had promised Yuzuru that the would meet again, and Javi had meant that, truly, but now he wasn't sure if he could get through this. He missed him, constantly and painfully, and he wanted to see him, talk to him, touch him. But he was terrified at the thought that now they were strangers, and he would have to build it all again from the scratch.

Because the truth was, Javi didn't want new memories, he wanted the old ones, the ones that had made them friends and that could make them so much more.

And Javi knew that it was a chicken move, and that he should fight and try, but he was just lost, and scared, and it all already hurt too much.

 

A few days more passed and Javi was still hang in between, wondering, weighing his options. He knew that he was more quiet than usual and people were noticing that, giving him sympathetic looks and asking if he didn't catch a cold.

Only Misha figured it out.

„It's gone.” he said softly, when they were in the staff room after an ended shift „The spirit.”

„He is.” Javi said, not looking at him and fumbling with a zipper of his backpack, his fingers not cooperating.

„Are you okay?” Misha asked and Javi straightened up, closing his eyes for a brief moment.

„I will be.”

He would be, someday.

 

 

He almost didn't realize when April came, and suddenly he was staring at his ticket to Vancouver, the next day's date staring back at him almost mockingly. Javi sighed, deeply and tiredly, and started throwing clothes into his bag; he wasn't really thinking about it, until he didn't realize that he had to pack gifts for his parents' too.

His throat burned when he carefully took all the things he had bought with Yuzuru, and he had to try really hard not to cry. He hadn't cried, not really, for a long time, but now he was really close to.

„Stop it, stop.” he muttered to himself, desperately trying to stop the wave of memories from overwhelming him.

_Yuzuru sitting on the floor in the library, looking at him with blank, emotionless eyes._

_The way his expression changed when he smiled for the first time and sadness in his gaze when he realized what was happening to him. His scrunched nose when he was thinking hard about something and his laughter, loud and bright._

_His complex gaze when he lied in Javi's bed and when he looked at him in the bathroom that one night.._

_Desperation on his face and panic in his voice when he realized that he wasn't ready to say goodbye._

He cried, in the end, just a little bit.

And then he went to the bathroom, washed his face in cold water and went to ask Gina if she could feed Effie for the next ten days.

 

His flight was in the afternoon, and after a lot of pep talk he managed to convince himself that he was totally capable of visiting the library. And well, he had to do that if he didn't want to pay some fines after coming back.

„Hey Tracy, can I leave my bag here for a moment?” he asked and Tracy smiled at him brightly.

„Of course! Going for a trip?”

„Visitng family. It's my birthday and parents' anniversary soon so we're doing a family gathering.”

„How nice! Pick something interesting to keep you occupied during your flight.” Tracy said and Javi gave her a pale smile, his stomach twisting.

It felt weird, surreal, even, to be back here without Yuzuru by his side, in the place where everything had started.

He stared at one of the many bookshelves, but he couldn't really read any title, his vision becoming blurry and his throat clenching.

It was a bad idea, to be here. Very bad. He needed air.

Javi just grabbed the nearest book without looking to it and started to walk, desperate to just get out of there as fast as possible. And then being his weird self, he bumped into someone, books falling on the ground, and Javi wanted to yell at the universe to finally fuck off and let him live.

„I'm sorry.” he muttered, bending down and collecting his and the stranger's books.

And then, two things happened at once.

First, he noticed that one of the books was a physics schoolbook.

And the second-

„It's okay.”

Javi's whole body tensed up in a second, and he felt like someone punched him, his chest feeling both painful and empty.

He knew that he had to move and look at him, but Javi couldn't force his body to cooperate.

„You okay in there?” Yuzuru asked, just the slightest shadow of annyoance in his voice, and Javi almost laughed hystrically at how ridiculous it was.

„Yeah.” he said, straightening up and looking straight in Yuzuru's face „I'm good.”

Yuzuru looked the same, only his skin had healthier shade and his hair was cut nicely. He looked good, or maybe better than before, all maybe it was all just in Javi's head beceause he missed him so much.

Yuzuru narrowed his eyes slightly and Javi realized that he was staring, and that sent him straight to a panic mode. What was Yuzuru even doing there, it was barely two weeks after he had woken up, shouldn't he be resting at home?

„Here you go.” he said, handing Yuzuru his books, a part of him desperately wishing their hands would touch, but nothing like that happened. Yuzuru took his stuff, still looking at Javi rather suspiciously, and Javi's poor heart was about to break for the thousandth time.

„Thanks.” Yuzuru said slowly, clearly ready to walk away, and Javi's heart dropped.

He wasn't prepared, and he was leaving, and he had no idea what to do, and his face was starting to burn.

„Have a nice studying session.” he said, a feeling of defeat seeping into his veins along with realization that he just fucked up „Good luck in London.” he added without thinking, and Yuzuru's expression morphed into something Javi could read, and didn't even try to read, because he was too busy running away and trying not start crying on the go.

 

 

It wasn't a real anniversary until his father wasn't launching a tearful and romantic speech how he had met the love of his life. Usually Javi was sitting in the first row and cheering on him, but that time he used that fact that the room was filled with a bunch of slightly tipsy people and snuck out to the terrace.

It was a bit cold outside, but Javi quite enjoyed a bit of silence and freshness of the air. He was having good time with his family, since he hadn't seen them since Christmas, and they were warm and loving, and slightly concerned about his dimmed mood.

Javi closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.

He was still in a bad state, still relieving that awful meeting in the library and cursing himself for being incapable of doing anything, something.

„You don't want to hear the epic love story?”

Javi chuckled quietly and glanced at Laura, who was watching him with a smile.

„You good in here, little brother?”

„I'm good.” he said, something he had been repeating the whole week now, and she gave him an unimpressed look.

„That was a rhetorical question, don't bullshit me.”

Javi looked at her again, and now he only saw a soft concern painted on her face.

„I fell in love.”

It fel stragely good, to finally say it out loud, almost liberating.

„Javi-”

„And I think I messed up.” he said before Laura could add anything more „I mean, the situation's pretty bad and I think I- I could've done better. I should've done better.”

Laura's eyes were wide and honest when she looked at him, a small smile forming on her lips.

„Oh Javi.” she sighed deeply „And you think it's too late now?”

„I- I don't know.” he said, the words tasting bitter on his tongue „It's just... terrifying.” he admitted and Laura shook her head.

„It's okay to be afraid.” she said quietly, touching his face gently „And you don't have to tell me everything but please, just promise me that you won't regret anything.”

Javi sniffled, tears threathening to fall, and he blinked quickly, trying not to start sobbing in front of his older sister.

And then, something clicked behind his ribs and settled there, a small spark warming him up from inside.

„I promise.”

 

 

„Hey princess, you missed me?” Javi cooed when he entered his apartment and Effie started enthusiastically rubbing her head against his leg „Someone got a bit fat in here, I see Gina treated you well.” he said, patting her head, and the cat looked up at him with anticipation „You'll be happy to know that I did some thinking time and I'm gonna message Saya to set me a date with Yuzuru, what do you say?”

Effie meowed and Javi smiled. He was still scared shitless, but at least he had some plan now. He would just go for that, try his best and maybe, somehow, Yuzuru would remember him. And if he wouldn't... that was a question for later. Now, he was determined to try and make this work, because the only thing he was risking was his heart again, but he decided that it was worth it.

But before he would text Saya, he needed to have something hot to drink, because he was feeling cold and tired after the whole day of travelling. But he was halfway to the kitchen when there was rather loud knocking to the door and he flinched. It was probably Gina with his spare key, he thought absently, grabbing the door- knob.

„Hey, thanks for- _oh._ ”

„Hi.” Yuzuru said, staring at him intensively „Javier, right?”

Javi's heart stopped and his mind went blank, his whole body frozen as he tried to catch up with what was going on.

But he had no idea what was going on, and why was Yuzuru even there? His eyes were still distant and reserved, but there was something in his face, something like... doubt.

„Yeah.” Javi said through his clenched throat and Yuzuru inhaled sharply.

„I think we should talk.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you confused just like Javi? Well the next chap will be written from a different pov and all your questions will be answered!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru is really sick of hearing about that Javier guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy so there's gonna be one more chap, wohoo *runs away*

 

It started with a name Yuzuru couldn't recognize.

He was lying in a hospital bed, still dizzy and overwhelmed, surrounded by his crying family and very excited doctors. They were saying that he had had an accident- stupid chandelier falling on his head- and Yuzuru had some blurred memory of walking down the stairs with some books in in his hands, and then- darkness.

„How long was it?” he asked weakly, looking at Saya who smiled at him wetly.

„About four weeks.” she answered, touching his cheek gently, and then her eyes widened a bit „Oh, I need to let Javier know that you woke up!”

„Who?” Yuzuru mumbled absently, his eyes follwing his doctor talking to a nurse on the other side of his bed.

„You don't remember?” Saya asked with concern „You met in the library a week before the accident, he was really concerned about you.”

„Umm.” Yuzuru winced, trying to recall it, but nothing rang a bell.

„You might have some troubles with your memory.” the doctor said, apparently listening to their conversation „Especially when it comes to recent events.”

„Oh, okay.” Saya said, clearly relieved „He's such a sweetheart, I can see how he got past that brick wall of yours.”

Yuzuru opened his mouth, not really knowing what to say, but this sounded ridiculous. He didn't remember talking to any Javier in the libraru and he found it hard to believe that he would open up to some random guy.

But before he could express his doubts, his father spoke.

„He's such a nice young man. I hope he visits you soon.”

„I want to finally meet him.” his mom added and Yuzuru could relate.

„I'll write him and say that he can stop by. Maybe seeing him would bring all the memories back.” Saya said, typing already and Yuzuru said nothing. He felt tired, his muscles weak and he didn't feel like explaining to them that he had no troubles with his memory, and the only thing he actually didn't remember was that mysterious Javier.

 

Yuzuru left the hospital four days later and he still hadn't met him. Not that he really wanted to, but he was curious and also kind of suspicious. What if Javier was just some creepy guy who had conviced Saya they they were friends, because- because what, exactly? It was frustrating to Yuzuru, to not know everything, and it was even worse because it was connected to him.

„He didn't answer?” he asked Saya once, when they were eating breakfast one morning, his cereal tasting a bit bland.

„No.” Saya shook her head, her expression concerned „It's kinda weird, I hope he's okay.”

„How did you meet him, exactly?”

„He messaged me, asking about your condition.” Saya said and Yuzuru narrowed his eyes „I asked him to meet me, since I had no idea who he was. Then he told me how you met and-”

„And how we met?” Yuzuru pressed and Saya winced.

„This is really weird, you know, that I've to tell you all of that.” she sighed but then gave him a smile „He said that you met in the library a week before your accident and that you made plans to meet there next week too. When you didn't show up, he asked the librarian about you and she told him about the accident, and he found me online to ask how you were doing.”

That sounded believable, kind of, but Yuzuru still had hard time buying it.

„You still don't remember.” Saya said softly and Yuzuru shook his head.

„Not at all. And I just can't believe that I talked to some random guy like that and-” he waved his hand, knowing that Saya would understand. It wasn't who he was, it wasn't what he did.

„You know, I was suspicious too, at first.” Saya said, smiling „But... he's so kind, Yuzu. And patient.” she hesitated for a moment „And you know, he seemed to understand you. It almost felt like he knew you longer, and better.”

That didn't sound right, at all, and Yuzuru was just confused.

„Well, apparently he's not that great if he doesn't want to meet me.” he said, standing up and ignoring Saya's surprized gaze „I'm gonna go study.” he announced and went to his room. He had stuff to do, he had to catch up with classes so he would be ready to leave for London in September.

He didn't have time for some mysterious guy who wouldn't even show up.

 

 

„ _I don't do friendships. I'm fine on my own, and I never needed anyone. I just thought that people... that I could be fine, without them. And now I'm here, and my fate depends on you, a total stranger. This is so... ironic.”_

„ _Well, we don't have to be strangers anymore. Actually, I think the situation demands from us to become best friends with skipping all the stages.”_

„ _You want to be my friend? Like.... really?”_

„ _I mean, you're bossy and judgemental, and you spit sarcasm to my coffee, but beside that I think you're pretty cool.”_

„ _I didn't know anyone could be so kind.”_

Yuzuru woke up suddenly, breathing hard and quick. He sat up and rubbed his face with his shaky hands.

„It was just a dream.” he muttered to himself, trying to calm down his breathing „Just a dream.”

He knew that, that it was only his mind coming up with some weird scenerios, but it felt so awfully, painfully real Yuzuru's heart was pounding in his chest.

He took a deep breath, trying to recall more details, but there were only words ringing in his head, as if someone just spoke them right into his ear.

„Just a dream.” he repeated to himself quietly, trying to ignore the sudden pressure that was now settled somewhere deep in his chest.

 

Since that moment, it was like some tame broke inside of him.

The dreams were coming back almost every night now, short, blurred scenes filled with laughter and someone's warm words that lingered in Yuzuru's voice for hours after waking up.

Yuxuru hated that. He didn't know where it was coming from, and he didn't want to know. He wanted to focus, to go back how it had been before the accident. And now there were things about himself that were surprizing even him.

„Adam wants to go camping.” Saya announced one evening, giggling at her phone „And now he's stressing out that he doesn't know which tent to buy.”

„Patagonia II.” Yuzuru mumbled and Saya gaped.

„Since when you know anything about tents? You hate any mentions of hiking.”

Yuzuru opened his mouth and then closed them, because he really, truly, had no idea.

 

 

He almost forgot about Javier, until he decided to go to the library to do some studying. He was tired of sitting at home all the time, with his parents still treating him like he was made of glass. He loved them, and he knew that it was all because they cared, but he hoped that maybe hetting out of the house would let him get rid off that strange itchiness of his skin, clear his head a bit.

Tracy almost started crying when she saw him and he had to spend almost ten minutes on reassuring her that he was perfectly fine. Then he decided to go and hid in his favourite corner on the first floor, but before he could get there someone bumped into him, making all his books fall to the ground.

„I'm sorry.” the guy muttered, bending down to collect everything.

„It's okay.” Yuzuru said, deciding to be nice and understanding.

And then something weird happened.

The guy froze, still in that weird position, and Yuzuru felt a sting of annoyance. He really didn't have time for that.

„You okay in there?” he asked, trying not to show his irritation, and the guy inhaled sharply.

„Yeah. I'm good.” he said, finally straightening up and looking Yuzuru in the face.

He was handsome, Yuzuru noticed, with curly dark hair and brown eyes that seemed a little bit tired. He looked vaguely familiar, and Yuzuru wondered if they hadn't met before. But the guy was staring at him now, with some weird, unnamed expression, and Yuzuru started to feel slightly bit uncomfortable.

„Here you go.” the guy said suddenly, finally snapping from his daze; Yuzuru took his books and gave him one more look, trying to recall when he had seen him.

„Thanks.” he said slowly, ready to leave, and he could swear there was a flicker of hurt on the guy's face.

„Have a nice studying session.” the guy said, and then „Good luck in London.” he sqeaked and before Yuzuru could open his mouth, he was basically running away.

Yuzuru looked after him, feeling something raising in his chest and then stopping in his throat, a lump that was suddenly making it heard to breathe.

And it snapped, suddenly, like something just shifted into the right place.

That was Javier.

Yuzuru still didn't remember him, but he was utterly sure that it was him, that guy Saya had told him about.

But why did he run away?

Without thinking too much, Yuzuru ran after him.

„Yuzuru, sweetheart, is everything okay?” Tracy asked worryingly when he stopped near her desk, looking around.

„Umm, yes.” he said, trying to hide his disappointment, but then he got an idea „I was just hoping to catch Javier before he leaves.” he said, smiling innocently and hoping it would work, and Tracy brightened up.

„Oh, so you met Javi, that's so nice! But he just left for the airport.”

„Oh.” he said, making his biggest, most vulnerable eyes „That's a shame.”

„Something happened?” Tracy asked with concern and Yuzuru knew he had to lie, just a little bit.

„He left his notebook in here, I wanted to give it back to him.”

„Oh, you can leave it here, he'll pick it up the next time he comes.” Tracy offered and Yuzuru had to use all his acting skills to give her a smile that was both bashful and pleading, and also a little bit playful.

„I see.” she looked at him sternly, but with sparks of amusement in her eyes „You know I shouldn't do that, right?”

„Pretty please?” he asked and she sighed.

„Okay, you're lucky you're adorable.” she said, handing him a small piece of paper.

„Thank you, Tracy.” he said, giving her his best smile before leaving.

Now he had his adress, and the mysterious Javier wouldn't be able run from him forever.

 

Yuzuru went there the next day; logically, he knew that Javier wouldn't be there, since Tracy said he had left for the airport, but Yuzuru couldn't help himself.

He wanted talk to the guy, just like that. Figure out what the hell was he doing in Yuzuru's life and why Yuzuru had absolutely no memory of him.

But it haunted him, the look on Javier's face when they had met in the library, a spasp of pain, exhaustion in his eyes.

It was only making Yuzuru want to know the truth more desperately.

So one evening knocked to the door, not really expecting anyone to open, but then there was some shuffling behind the door and then he was standing eye to eye with some pretty girl.

„Hi!” she smiled and then, to Yuzuru's slight surprise, she stepped outside and started locking the door „You're looking for Javi?”

„Yes.” he answered hesitantly and she nodded.

„He'll be back on Friday, at least that's what he told me when he asked me to feed his cat.” she informed him brightly and Yuzuru felt some odd feeling of relief.

 

 

He came back on Friday, at 7 pm, feeling both determined and nervous.

Now that he knew that he would meet Javier, he started feeling a bit stressed about what he was going to tell him, what if it was some big, ridiculous misunderstanding?

He knocked louder than he intended, and his heart skipped a beat when he heard footsteps on the other side of the door.

„Hey, thanks for- _oh._ ” Javier clearly hadn't been expecting him, judging by his stunned expression.

„Hi.” Yuzuru said, staring at him intensively and playing more confident than he felt „Javier, right?”

„Yeah.” he answered after a moment, his voice rough.

„I think we should talk.” Yuzuru said and he could swear Javier paled a little bit at that.

„Okay.” Javier said quietly, letting him inside.

The whole place felt oddly familiar, a bit messy but warm, and Yuzuru's muscles relaxed.

Behind him, Javier cleared his throat and Yuzuru turned around to look at him.

„Who are you?” Yuzuru asked quietly and Javier blinked rapidly.

„You can call me Javi.” he said, giving him a weak smile, and Yuzuru shook his head.

„You know what I mean.” he said, taking a few steps and standing close „What are you doing in my life?”

Javi opened his mouth and then closed them, only looking at Yuzuru with such an expression that Yuzuru almost shivered.

Maybe he should feel threatened, standing in front of him, basically a stranger, but he didn't. It was like Yuzuru's body knew better than him at that point, because his fingers were suddenly itching, and he could feel warmth spreading in his limbs, and he had no idea what was going on.

„You don't remember me, do you?” Javi asked, his voice low and trembling, and something whispered in the back of Yuzuru's head.

He thought about the dreams he was having, sharp and blurred at the same time, and he looked into Javi's sad, dark eyes, and he swallowed hard.

„I don't.” he whispered, and the pain visible on Javi's face almost made his heart stop „But I feel like I know you.”

It was an irrational feeling, and he couldn't explain it.

Everything felt so painfully familiar, but it felt like his brain still couldn't catch up with what his body and heart were feeling.

Yuzuru was a rational guy. Always made cool decisions, based on a lot of thought.

And now, for the first time in his life, Yuzuru decided to go with his heart.

Slowly, tentatively, Yuzuru reached out and touched Javi's cheek with the slightest brush of his fingertips, letting his body do what it wanted.

Javi drew in a sharp breath, as if Yuzuru's touch hurt him, and one tear run down his cheek.

„What's happening?” Yuzuru asked, dizzily thinking that it wasn't how it supposed to go, that he hadn't expected that, but now nothing ever felt more right.

„It's the first time you're touching me.” Javi said, his voice small and trembling, and something inside Yuzuru broke.

„How do I know you?” he asked shakily, moving just a tiny bit closer and looking into Javi's eyes, deeply and searchingly.

It scared him, what he saw.

No one had ever looked at him like that, with so much depth and longing, and Yuzuru's heart fluttered.

„You want to kiss me, don't you?”

The words came to him easily, without thinking, with lightness that almost scared him.

Javi chuckled wetly, his fingers shakily touching Yuzuru's neck, burning his skin.

„I want to hug you more.”

And with that, everything stopped and the world went dark.

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The universe has the best ideas.

It happened so fast Javi's poor heart almost couldn't handle it.

Coming back home, finally making the decision, and then Yuzuru appeared, determination shining in his eyes, and Javi's chest ached. It almost hurt, when Yuzuru touched his cheek, his fingertips burning Javi's skin.

Javi didn't know how to act, what to do. He hadn't expexted that, he wasn't prepared. He had come to terms with the fact that he would have to befriend Yuzuru again, slowly and patiently, but now Yuzuru was standing in front of him, his gaze dark and deep, and Javi couldn't move.

It was too much, and Javi could feel tears gathering in his eyes, because he still couldn't believe it.

Yuzuru was there, _touching him_ , still not aware of who Javi was, but there was something in his eyes that was making Javi shudder.

„You want to kiss me, don't you?” Yuzuru asked, his voice strange and shaky, and Javi chuckled wetly at the memory.

He couldn't kiss Yuzuru, back then. It would be so easy to do, now, just to lean forward, but Javi stopped himself, sniffling quietly.

„I want to hug you more.” he whispered and Yuzuru's eyes widened suddenly, his lips parting and then he almost fell to the floor, Javi catching him in the last moment. It took him a second to realize that Yuzuru fainted, and he managed to stop himself from freaking out. He carefully took Yuzuru to the sofa and lay him there, looking at him worryingly. But he seemed to be breathing just fine, so Javi decided to use the moment to get a grip.

He went to the kitchen, where Effie was sleeping peacefully on one of the chairs and didn't even woke up, and then he let out a deep, shaky breath.

„Oh god.” he mumbled, splashing his face with cold water „Just stay calm.”

The last thing he wanted was to freak Yuzuru out; he needed to keep himself together, and be prepared that maybe he would have to explain everything.

„It's gonna be just fine.” Javi told himself, pouring a glass of water and slowly going back to the living room. He hesitated for a moment and then carefully sat down on the edge of the sofa, looking down at Yuzuru and feeling his throat going dry.

He had missed Yuzuru so much, and having him there, real, was still so new, almost bizzare.

Javi's fingers were shaking as he carefully traced Yuzuru's features with his fingertips, the slight touch sending shivers up his arm.

He wondered what was going to happen.

And he was just a little bit scared.

Javi inhaled deeply and hid his face in his hands, trying to calm down his racing heart.

He really, really wasn't prepared, but he could also feel some nervous anticipation settling in his bones.

Suddenly, Yuzuru let out a quiet whine and Javi turned to look at him immediately, his muscles tensing. Yuzuru was staring at him, his expression slightly confused, and Javi's heart sped up.

„Hey.” he said softly, smiling at him „You good? I brought you some water.”

Yuzuru blinked slowly, and his expression changed in a heartbeat, his eyes now shining with tears, and a second later he was sitting up, wrapping his arms around Javi's shoulders and pressing his face against his neck.

„Javi.” he whimpered, and Javi's heart stopped for a moment as he was slowly figuring out what was happening, and the realization hit him like a brick.

„Oh god.” he breathed out, putting his arms around Yuzuru and pulling him closer, still not really daring to believe „It's okay, I've got you.” Javi mumbled, feeling Yuzuru's tears against his neck, his own heart fluttering.

„You jerk.” Yuzuru sobbed, on of his hands punching Javi's chest lightly, and then he finally drew back a little so Javi could see his face, flushed and shining with tears „You didn't even let me say goodbye.”

Javi breathed in shakily, his hands coming to take Yuzuru's face, that one sentence confirming that-

\- that Yuzuru was back.

„I'm sorry.” he whispered, his thumbs gently rubbing Yuzuru's cheeks „I'm sorry that I was such a coward, then, and after you woke up, I-” he rambled, but was stopped by Yuzuru's fingers against his lips.

„You're the bravest person I know.” Yuzuru whispered shakily and a heartbeat later his lips were pressed against Javi's, and Javi yelped uncontrollably, one of his arms wrapping around Yuzuru's waist to pull him closer. It was a bit febrile, lips pressed together in an overwhelming urge to be as close as possible.

Yuzuru pulled away with a gasp and a quiet sniffle, and Javi took a deep breath.

„You okay?” he asked, brushing Yuzuru's bangs from his face and then cupping his cheek. Yuzuru nodded, leaning forward and pressing his foreahead against Javi's, their noses brushing.

„I'm good.” he mumbled and then leaned his head against Javi's shoulder and exhaling shakily.

They sat in the silence for a few minutes, just holding each other, and Javi was still feeling dizzy, still couldn't quite believe that it was happening. Yuzuru was there, with him, knowing him, remembering him.

Also, he had just kissed him, but Javi decided to put freaking out over it for later.

„You should drink your water.” he said after some time, his fingers carding through Yuzuru's hair gently.

Yuzuru made a noise of protest but reached for the glass and gulped half of it, immediately going back to clinging to Javi.

„Hey.” Javi said softly, looking down at Yuzuru and meeting his wide, dark eyes „You sure you okay?”

„I'm just-” Yuzuru chuckled, tears still shining in the corners of his eyes „I'm just overwhelmed. I-” he swallowed visibly, his hand touching Javi's cheek gently „I didn't remember you, at all.” he said, his voice small and shaking „How could I ever forget you?”

„It's okay.” Javi said, his voice cracking „You're here now, it's all good.”

Yuzuru nodded and then gave Javi the softet, warmest smile he had ever seen.

„Can I stay with you tonight?” he asked and Javi's heart stuttered.

„Of course you can.” he said, his voice sounding odd „Uhh, you wanna take a shower?” he asked awkwardly, because it was the first time he really had to treat Yuzuru like a real guest „Or maybe you're hungry?”

It felt almost weird, to talk so normally, when so much weirdness had happened, but Yuzuru just smiled even brighter.

„Shower sounds good.” he muttered and Javi cleared his throat.

„Okay. You know the way, right? I'm gonna bring you some clothes.” he said and Yuzuru nodded, slowly detaching himself from Javi.

It only hit Javi in the bedroom, when he was looking for some sleeping clothes for Yuzuru, the surrealism of the whole situation. They hadn't even talked in depth of what had happened, and what it all meant. Did Yuzuru know how Javi felt about him? And why had he kissed him? And he wanted to stay the nigth, did it mean something too?

Javi's head was spinning, all the emotions of the past weeks crashing inside him and making him breathe heavily. He had to keep his cool, he really didn't want to make Yuzuru uncomfortable, athough Javi's fingers were just itching to touch him. Now Javi wasn't quite sure where the boundries were now, and how to act not to make this too weird.

They had lived together, the acknowledged that they were attracted to each other. Hell, Yuzuru had seen him naked before. But now the feelings were changed and new, and much more important than before, and Javi didn't want to mess it up.

„Umm, so I brought you clothes.” Javi announced after knocking to the bathroom door „I'm just gonna drop it right behind the door, okay?”

„You can come in.”

Javi's brain short circuited and he had to remind himself to stay cool before he opened the door slowly. He didn't really know what he had been expecting, but it really wasn't Yuzuru wearing only a towel and smiling at him a bit devilishly, as if all his previous uncertainity went through a window.

„Here you go.” Javi said, handing him his clothes, and feeling like in some weird dream.

„Thanks.” Yuzuru said and Javi just shrugged akwardly „Oh, you wanna shower too? You were travelling today, right?”

„Yeah.” Javi squeaked; apparently Yuzuru got himself together and was back to his normal, witty self.

Well, two could play this game.

„Yeah.” he repeated, a bit clearer now „Yeah, I'm so gonna shower, so if you could-” he made a vague gesture with his hand and Yuzuru's eyes sparkled.

„Do you want me to go?” he asked, lowly but with traces of laughter in his voice, and Javi couldn't hold back a chuckle.

„You're just gonna show off with your recovered memory, huh?” he asked and Yuzuru grinned at him, and then his expression softened.

„They're good memories.” he said quietly and Javi's heart fluttered, his throat going dry, the certain memory hitting him too.

„They are.” he agreed quietly and then cleared his throat „Now out, you spoiled brat.” he ordered and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

„Fine.” he said and then, just before leaving, he kissed Javi's cheek, blushing slightly.

Javi stood there like a statue, stunned, and then- he started laughing, loudly and happily.

 

He got out from the shower and found Yuzuru sitting on the bed and playing with Effie.

„I think she remembers me.” Yuzuru exclaimed happily and Javi smiled at the sight „I missed you, kitty.”

„She missed you too.” Javi said, sitting on the bed too „We both did.” he added, just a bit cheesily, and Yuzuru looked at him, his hand stopping on Effie's head.

They looked at each other, silence between them charged and sparkling, and Javi felt a wave of warmth flooding his whole body. He reached out with one hand, his fingers tracing Yuzuru's face and making him giggle.

„You finally got a haircut.” Javi muttered and Yuzuru made a face at him, scrunching his nose, and Javi's heart fluttered.

Yuzuru was right there, wearing Javi's clothes and smiling as if it the best place he could be in. So Javi hesitated only for a second before he took Yuzuru's face in his hands and kissed him gently. Yuzuru gasped quietly, one hand coming to grasp Javi's shoulder as he returned the kiss.

Javi still couldn't get used to the fact that he could touch Yuzuru, every meeting of their skin or lips sending shivers down his spine. And Yuzuru kissed him back, like he meant it, really meant it, and Javi thought dizzily that maybe he should tell him, soon.

„I think Effie got sick of us.” Yuzuru muttered in between kisses, smiling against Javi's lips, and Javi giggled.

„She's not patient since she had to deal with me being miserable.” he blurted out and he felt how Yuzuru tensed. He drew back a little and looked into Javi's eyes, his gaze serious and just a little bit sad.

„I'm so sorry.” he said, quietly „That you had to go through it.”

„It's okay.” Javi rushed, his heart clenching at the painful memory „It was my choice. It's what I had to do.” he said and then Yuzuru's expression turned almost unbearably soft.

„You know-” he said, moving closer to Javi and caressing his brow „- I love you too.”

Javi's breathing hitched as he watched Yuzuru's face, honest and vulnerable, and his heart started pounding in his chest.

So, that was it.

„I love you.” Javi breathed out, kissing Yuzuru again and making him fall on his back, giggling quietly as he kissed him back enthusiastically, pulling him as close as possible. It was dizzy and happy, both familiar and new, and Javi couldn't quite get enough. He didn't know how much time passed, but they were abruptly interrupted by Yuzuru's phone.

„Don't answer.” Javi muttered, kissing Yuzuru's jaw as he was squirming to grab his phone.

„It's my mom.” Yuzuru whined and put the phone to his ear „Hi mom... yeah, I know, I'm sorry... uh, so, I'm at Javi's place now... yeah I'm going to stay here” Yuzuru rambled and Javi chuckled quietly, kissing his exposed collarbone „... yeah, of coure I will... okay, I'll tell him! Yeah, of course, love you too, bye!” he threw the phone away and turned to look at Javi, sparks in his eyes „My mom invites you for dinner tomorrow.” he said and Javi's eyes widened „She's really excited to finally meet you.”

„Oh god.” Javi groaned, resting his forehead against Yuzuru's shoulder „What am I gonna tell them if they ask why I was missing in action for past weeks?”

„Just that you were... unreachable.” Yuzuru said with amusement, patting his head „Saya and dad adore you already, it's gonna be super easy.”

„Fine.” Javi agreed, pecking him on the lips and then looking at him more seriously „Isn't it weird, that it's so easy, between us?” he risked asking and Yuzuru scrunched his nose, deep in thought.

„I don't think so.” he said slowly, his fingers carding through Javi's hair „I think it was universe's great plan, to get us together. Make us fall in love in like, three weeks.”

„What a great plan it was, am I right?” Javi asked and Yuzuru smiled softly, taking his hand.

They stayed like that for a moment, just looking at each other and holding hands, and Javi observed how Yuzuru's face was changing, and how suddenly there was a shadow in his eyes, fleeting and full of doubt.

„Javi-” he started, biting his lips, suddenly unsure „- is it always gonna be like that?”

Javi knew what he meant. So he smiled, and brought Yuzuru's hand to his lips, kissing his fingers.

„Well, I hope.” he said „Even your running off to London won't change that.”

„Oh.” Yuzuru flinched, his expression turning worried, almost panicky „I- we can, I mean I can-”

„No, no, no. You don't have to make that face.” Javi said, leaning forward to kiss his nose „I always wanted to go to Europe anyway.”

„What?” Yuzuru squeaked and Javi chuckled.

„Listen, I went through so much to get you, I'm not letting you go that easily.” he said and Yuzuru's face lit up with a smile, his eyes turning foggy.

„You're one of the kind, Javier Fernandez.” he said, climbing on top of Javi and leaning down, their faces only inches away „And I couldn't love you more.” and then he kissed him, deep and loving, and Javi thought dizzily that the universe had the best ideas indeed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rom- com ending, wohooo!

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Let me know in the comments and thank you for reading!


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